OK ladies, let’s give men credit

Most of us have heard about the video ‘When Animals Attack.’ There’s a version of that taking place in Warren County called ‘When Women Attack.’

I say this after I’ve been minding my own business, trying to stay out of trouble, while Standard columnist Lisa Hobbs has gone on a crusade against men, with a few helpful jabs from iTeen reporter Dakota Tinney. From their perch, the men of this world have but one responsibility ‘ work. For everything else, there’s women.

Lisa’s column Sunday was her second rant against men in a month. The first was a freebie. The second deserves a response.

Reading Lisa’s column, I couldn’t help but build a mental image of the home life she was describing. Best I can picture, her husband comes home from work, props up his feet, and sits next to a bell. When he rings the bell, Lisa comes running.

And because her husband supposedly acts this way, Lisa makes the far-reaching assumption that this is the model followed by husbands around the country. I can assure Lisa if I had any such device within my reach, it would be shoved up, or down, one of my body cavities by now.

According to Lisa, outside of earning a paycheck, men are pretty much worthless. All the while, Lisa says, the women of this great land wear Supergirl capes and leap tall buildings with a single bound.

Women sweep, mop and cook. Men relax.

Where can I sign up to take part in this fairy tale?

To add fuel to the fire, Dakota follows in Lisa’s footsteps with a story about ‘Boys vs. Girls.’ In this grand piece of literature, Dakota quotes a source as saying it’s so much harder to be female because girls have to work 40 hours a week, do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and the child raising.

I suppose it’s going to take every ounce of strength I have to muster enough energy to compose a response to all this. But I feel compelled to try, provided I can put down the remote long enough to form a thought.

The one obvious question that’s looming over my head is how can men possibly do so little when women nag so much? As simple-minded and comatose as we are, men realize if we do our chores, the nagging goes away ‘ at least temporarily. If we really want the nagging to stop, we die.

Studies show men live, on average, six or seven years less than women. This is because of the nagging.

I’ve also noted a significant oversight in Lisa’s ‘Women, Glorious Women’ argument. If women do in fact do everything, then why did she fail to mention so many chores?

I don’t remember anything about women mowing the lawn, or fixing the car. Where was the part about women unclogging the pipes, or stopping a leaky faucet? I’m still waiting to see a woman install a storm door, or build a shelving unit.

Women don’t normally operate a chainsaw, climb a ladder, or crawl under the house. They don’t change the oil, or rake the leaves. And you can forget about anything to do with electrical wiring or power tools.

I say all this not to offend women in general and my Cupcake in particular. There are a great many things women do everyday that men don’t. Likewise, men do chores that most women would never attempt.

Men and women complement each other by filling their own unique family roles. I don’t sew, and Cupcake doesn’t hammer.

But Lisa’s column did accomplish one thing. It’s one heckuva personal ad. If anything should change with Lisa’s current marital status, I’m confident she’ll have guys standing in line.

James Clark is editor of the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].