Being a stepmother doesn’t mean ‘evil’

Dear Annie: I’m 30 years old, and for the past two years, I’ve been seeing a wonderful man who’s 48. “Taylor” is recently divorced and has two grown children. We get along great and seem to be a perfect match. We are very much in love and intend to get married someday. Which leads me to my question:

I’ve never had kids. I was married for eight years and divorced just before meeting Taylor. I never had any interest in having children with my ex. Now I will have two stepkids. I love children and I’ve grown fond of his, but I worry what they will think of me.

When I was 13, my dad married a woman 14 years his junior who’s made our life hell for the past 17 years. I don’t want to be the “wicked stepmom.” I want to be a friend to them and a help to their father. I’d never try to take their mother’s place. I guess what I’m asking is, how can I be a good stepmother to these kids? What are some things to remember? ‘ The Good Witch in Salem, Mass.

Dear Salem: You are wise to want a warm and solid relationship with these children, and your experience as a stepchild should be helpful. Encourage your future husband to maintain a friendship with his ex, and don’t let your insecurities make you pushy and demanding. Keep the lines of communication open at all times. You can find information, support groups and resources through the National Stepfamily Resource Center ([email protected]), c/o Dept. of Human Development and Family Studies, 203 Spidle Hall, Auburn University, Auburn, AL 36849.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.