Helpful tips for the single father
In general custody hearings, women tend to win full custody of children more often than men. As such, many support groups for single parents are geared toward women. Men with full custody of their children might not have as many options for support available to them. In addition, men are often less inclined to seek help than women, adding more weight to an already difficult situation.
For single fathers, the challenges associated with being the primary caregiver while also sharing custody with a former spouse can be made easier. It just takes discipline and effort.
‘ Forgive: If your relationship with your ex is especially rocky or ended very poorly, try forgiving her even if it’s hard to forget. Going it alone as a parent is difficult enough without having to get involved in a tug of war where your child is the rope. In addition, forgiving and moving on will allow you to create a more positive environment for your child.
‘ Use your resources: Using your resources doesn’t mean using your financial resources to incur favor with your child. Rather, if you have brothers and sisters who live nearby or trusted friends, involve them in your child’s life. It will help create a sense of family for your child he might not otherwise have. Also, a reliable network of friends and relatives can help you with the little things, such as picking a child up from school or practice, that two-parent households often take for granted.
‘ Set and maintain schedules and routines: The life of a single person, whether they’re a parent or not, is often one in which freedom is valued and routine is not. However, just because you’re single again, that doesn’t mean it’s back to the lifestyle you enjoyed before marriage. Make sure you set schedules and routines and adhere to them regularly. For example, if a child knows that every Tuesday is the night she and her dad go out for dinner, then that will only help in letting her know he’s an important part of your life. On the other hand, a constantly changing schedule where you need to fit your children in might give them the impression they’re a nuisance or inconvenience.
‘ Have a concrete set of rules and discipline: Single fathers often try to overcompensate for a missing parent by letting kids slide on rules they wouldn’t be allowed to break in a two-parent household. Letting kids know that the rules still apply will make things a lot easier. If a child knows what’s expected of him, he’ll be less of a problem when the inevitable happens and he breaks the rules.
‘ Do your best to keep a positive attitude: As most parents know, children often have minds like steel traps, remembering most of what their parents say (outside of “do your chores”) and learning most of their behavior from their parents. That said, single dads should never create an environment where it seems as if they resent their children. No matter how stressful a day is, you should not give the impression, through speech or body language, that you’d rather the kids not be around. That’s only damaging to a child’s psyche and will likely lead to major problems down the road.