Why do I run? I just don’t know

It’s July 4th. Get your sorry behind up, strap on them lace panties and let’s go running.

I’m referring to the fun run held every year downtown on July 4th, the run which seems to test my poor memory as I enter the run on a semi-regular basis despite the fact I say each and every year that it’s my last one. And yes, I plan to run this year, provided I don’t oversleep.

The problem is, the fun run, which to me is rarely fun and is, when I do it, barely a run, combines three of my least favorite things into one hot, steamy July 4th enchilada.

First off, as you would suspect, July 4th is one of the hottest days of the year, even in the morning as you can see the steam rising off the pavement while sweat pours from your brow before the race starts. From the heat, you’d think the Earth isn’t just closer to the sun in July, but instead that perhaps it’s on the sun as you can feel the hot pavement through the rubber of your shoes if you don’t pick them up fast enough.

The second problem is the race is early in the morning and I detest mornings. Contrary to popular belief, mornings aren’t to rise and shine but instead, they are designed for us to get our best sleep.

The reason birds sing in the morning is not to wake you up, but instead, to lull you deeper into dreamland. Forget watching the sunrise, those who are enlightened know that sunsets are the same thing and were designed for those of us who want to get a decent morning’s sleep.

And the last problem I have with the fun run is that it requires effort. I’m not a runner yet the fun run requires running. Can you see the problem here?

So why do I do it? Two reasons. First, my permanent July 4th assignment is to cover the events downtown, beginning of course, with the fun run. Therefore, my issues with mornings and heat are moot seeing I have to be there anyway.

If you’re going to be up anyway and sweating, may as well get a T-shirt for it. Plus, since I’m standing there, I’m very often chided into running, with one particular person always asking me if I’m wearing my lace panties this year if I do like Calvin Coolege and choose not to run.

And, the main reason I run is that I keep forgetting how hard it is to run. Each and every year, before the run begins, I think this will be the year it will be easy to me. For some reason, even though I don’t distance run during any day except for July 4th, I think for some reason I will magically receive the ability to run long distances without getting tired.

And I do, at least for the first eighth of a mile, before I realize again running isn’t near as fast or easy as driving. It’s funny how you can see Main and Morford Street much better when you’re traveling at like 5 mph in the morning heat.

However, the worst part comes when folks start passing you and the once proud pace you had turns into a trot, and perhaps even a walk if no one is looking. When you start hearing your individual footsteps on the pavement, you know it’s going to be a long morning, that is if you can catch your breath. Sure, there’s plenty of air all around but it’s funny how it’s almost impossible to suck any in when you’re running on July 4th.

But yes, barring an alarm clock malfunction, I’m running this morning. Of course, my favorite part of the event will come at the end when I enjoy a true July 4th tradition, pancakes on the square. Now there’s a competition where I can excel.

Duane Sherrill is a reporter for the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].