Stocking stuffers from the Standard sports staff

Another year is near its end, and since ?tis the day before Christmas, your Southern Standard sports department offered to take some of the burden away from Saint Nick this year, and compile its own list of the naughty and nice around the sports world.

We?ve made our list, and checked it twice. And as a result, we present to you some of those athletes and others who earned candy canes, or lumps of coal, for their actions on, off and around the playing fields:

CANDY CANE: To everyone responsible for the nomination, election and induction to the Warren County Sports Hall of Fame of Jeff Womack, who few will argue is the greatest football player to ever don the Pioneers? colors.

LUMP OF COAL: To the fact that it took 25 years for Womack to finally earn that honor.

CANDY CANE: To Jamie ?Cat? Walker, for signing a multi-year, multi-million contract with the Orioles. Of course, ?Cat? can afford his own candy canes now ? or a candy cane factory, for that matter ? but it?s the thought that counts.

LUMP OF COAL: To the San Francisco Giants. Sure, Barry Bonds brings a lot of media attention to your club, and when (or if) he hits his 756th homer, it?ll be as a member of your team. But is that worth the stigma associated with paying millions of dollars to a widely suspected cheater? We don?t think so.

LUMP OF COAL: To Albert Haynesworth and ?Pacman? Jones. When you?re a major part of a pro sports team, your actions on ? and off ? the field are always under a microscope.

Albert, if you?re going to stomp something, find a cockroach. And ?Pac,? stay out of the nightclubs. You?re a grown man. Extra lumps to Jones for saying the Titans
need some ?thugs? to give them more of an edge.

CANDY CANE: To Jeff Fisher, for taking a hard stance on the Haynesworth incident, and stating publicly that if the NFL didn?t issue a suitable punishment, he would. Somebody?s got to take charge up there, and it?s refreshing to see a head coach who doesn?t defend players? undefendable actions.

CANDY CANE: While we?re talking Titans, a big candy cane to Vince Young, for playing like a first-round draft pick should, with no off-field shenanigans to distract him. If he doesn?t win Rookie of the Year, it won?t be because of a lack of effort.

CANDY CANE: To Boyd Christian School, for renovating their gymnasium, dumping the old tile floor and replacing it was a state-of-the-art playing surface.

LUMP OF COAL: To the demise of the Warren County High School bowling program. Their coach retired, and the program just folded. Surely there were enough interested players to keep this young sports program alive, and at least one faculty member walking the halls who would?ve coached them.

CANDY CANE: To the WCHS golf team and Andrew Brock, for a stellar season. Brock turned in the highest finish by a Pioneer in years, and a solid class of youngsters has the future looking bright for the Pioneers.

LUMP OF COAL: To ESPN and the rest of the sports media who jumped on Bob Knight and demanded his dismissal for a sidelines incident.

Knight?s reputation blew a relatively tame (especially by his standards) action out of proportion. The player involved didn?t mind when Knight got his attention with a tap underneath the chin, and neither did that player?s parents. If it had been any other coach, nothing would?ve been said.

CANDY CANE: To the University of Florida, for winning the national basketball title, and working their way into the BCS football championship game, as well. The Gator athletic programs prove universities don?t have to fall on either side of the fence as a ?football school? or a ?basketball school;? they can rule the whole field on both sides.

LUMP OF COAL: To the Sun Belt Conference, for once again allowing schools to claim to be ?Co-champions.?

These two Santa?s helpers love MTSU as much as anyone (OK, at least half of us do), but if everybody in the league plays everybody else once, there is a head-to-head tie-breaker that has to come into play. Sure, the Blue Raiders feel better about themselves since they had the same record as Troy State, but let?s face it. They played Troy, they lost to Troy, so they finished second to Troy.

CANDY CANE: To the Nashville Predators. These guys are for real. Good grief, has Nashville actually become a hockey town?

CANDY CANE: To the TSSAA Board of Control, for pushing the start of football season back a week. As a result, the Pioneers ?Week 0? game will be seven days later than normal, which gives the team more time to prepare ? and gives this department an extra week to finish the Fall Sports tab.

LUMP OF COAL: Multiple lumps, in fact, to players who abandon their teams when times get tough. For every Riverdale and Oakland you see winning championships, there are countless La Vergnes, Spartas and Warren Counties who are struggling to build a program. You?ve got to be the latter before you can become the former, and that takes kids who won?t bail out when the losses pile up.

CANDY CANE: To everyone responsible for bringing football pride back to Warren County. The middle school squad was a big red machine in 2006, and the high school team proved last year?s playoff berth was no fluke, making a second straight trip to the postseason for the first time ? ever.

CANDY CANE: To the Pioneers, for jumping on the midfield logo at Riverdale prior to their playoff game. It showed a lot of spirit, showed the WCHS boys weren?t intimidated, and fired up everybody on the Pioneer side of the stadium.

LUMP OF COAL: For picking a multi-year state champion to show that kind of spirit against. In hindsight, the Warriors took it kind of personally. Maybe next year they should jump on the DeKalb logo instead.

CANDY CANE: To the Warren County Middle School baseball program and its boosters, for taking matters into its own hands. The Pioneer coaches, players, parents and supporters wanted a ballpark they could be proud of, so they went out and raised the money for it themselves. They?ve got a great-looking diamond now, complete with lights, and they can pat themselves on the back for it all they want; they?ve earned that right.

LUMP OF COAL: To a disgruntled athlete who we?ll let remain anonymous, who chose to show his dissatisfaction with his head coach by offering a sarcastic ?Christmas present.? While you?re highlighting words in that dictionary, take a look at ?quitter,? ?favoritism,? ?delusions of grandeur,? ?self-respect? and ?talent.?

LUMP OF COAL: To every parent who would rather sit in the stands and complain about their child?s coach than cheer for their child?s team.

CANDY CANE: To every coach, fan or school official who ignores those kinds of parents, turning a deaf ear to their incessant whining.

CANDY CANE: To ?Slim? Ingalls, for being the most dedicated sports fan any young athlete in this county could hope to have. We wouldn?t walk across town to watch a game, and we get paid for it.

LUMP OF COAL: To anyone who took offense to this half-serious, half-satirical article. Save your phone calls and dirty e-mails for another time.

CANDY CANE: To every sports fan who has made it to the end of this piece. Merry Christmas and a very happy new year to you all.