Blabbermouth cousin broke down confidence
Dear Margo: I confided to my cousin, with whom I’m very close, that I’d become intimate with my boyfriend of one year. My parents, who are very conservative, did not know.
Quite frankly, I was not ready to tell them. I’m still going to college, and although I would have told them eventually, I didn’t feel the time was right for them to know just yet.
When I told my cousin about it, I asked her not to say anything. Well, it came to pass that she told my mom, who in turn told my dad. This completely destroyed my faith and trust in my cousin. It was not her place to say anything.
My mom, not wanting a rift in the family, thinks I need to “just get over it and forgive her already,” but I’m not ready to. I can’t even bring myself to talk to my cousin.
Is my mom right? Do I just need to get over it? — Bitter and Betrayed
Dear Bit: I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who broke her promise to you and revealed a confidence. I can think of no good reason why she ran and tattled. The subject was clearly not of the everyday, chitchat variety, and you had asked her to keep it to herself. It’s fine with me if you aren’t talking to her. — Margo, irately
Dear Margo: I’ve been married four years and have been happy most of the time. Lately, however, my husband has become very condescending and treats me like a child.
He acts as if it takes a long, drawn-out explanation on any matter for me to understand. Then he asks, “Do you understand? Are we clear on this?” I have a college education and am not stupid. Though he doesn’t use that word, his tone makes me think it is just on the tip of his tongue.
This past weekend, he told me off over some rental property he owns. I have done every bit of the physical labor in preparing this property for sale. I felt too angry to respond in a civil manner at the time, so I held my tongue until I was calm.
When I tried to speak to him, he said, “I am going to stop having serious conversations with you because you won’t let anything go. Once I have told you what the problem is, it’s over. There is nothing more to discuss.” I could just scream.
This man has gotten to the point where he won’t even get himself a glass of water. He will ask, “Do we have any water?” Translation: Get me some water. He went to counseling with me one time, and when we got in the car, he told me he could see us ending up divorced if I ever tried to get him into counseling again.
Please help. — Alone in Pennsylvania
Dear Al: This man, who, for whatever reason, has “lately” become condescending and demanding, sounds like a four-door jerk. I cannot think of a reason for this new bad behavior, unless he’s trying to goad you into combat mode so perhaps you’ll end the marriage.
There may be another woman, or it’s possible he’s slipped a stitch (in which case you’d need a neurologist, not an advice columnist). In any case, there is no reason for you to put up with the “new” him, who is certainly no improvement over the old one.
His prediction of ending up divorced may simply be his wish. To which I say: Give it to him if he is unable to revert to his old self. — Margo, conditionally
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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.