Friends can rekindle relationship

Dear Annie: A little over two years ago, I had a falling out with my best friend, “Ellen.” She e-mailed some nasty things about my then-upcoming bridal showers and wedding, and questioned why we were friends since we only got together when I “blew through town.” I was at school in another state, and Ellen had married, moved away, divorced and moved back home. I made every effort to see her.

The last thing she said was that maybe we weren’t such good friends anymore and we should go our separate ways. I was devastated and hurt. Her mother still attended my wedding, which I greatly appreciated, but I haven’t had any contact with the family since.

While I’m still hurt and resent some of the things Ellen said, I miss her friendship. I realize now that she may have been depressed about her own divorce when my wedding plans came up. I am pregnant and always hoped our children would grow up knowing each other. Should I reach out to tell her? What’s the best way to do it? — Pregnant and Missing My Best Friend

Dear Pregnant: If you can talk to Ellen without rehashing old arguments, pick up the phone and say, “I’ve missed you and want to start over.” Don’t bring up past hurts. If you are afraid you might say the wrong thing, put your thoughts into an e-mail that you can double-check and edit so it reflects a positive attitude. You have nothing to lose by trying. Good luck.

Dear Annie: This is a suggestion for “Lonely in New Haven, Conn.,” the 65-year-old widow who is having trouble making friends. Tell her to join Toastmasters. This is an organization that helps people develop their speaking, communication and leadership skills. I have found many friends through Toastmasters and recommend it highly. To find a club near you, just go on the web at toastmasters.org. — Toastmasters Member

Dear Toastmaster: Many of our readers suggested she contact Toastmasters. For those without web access, try Toastmasters International, P.O. Box 9052, Mission Viejo, CA 92690.