Mother right to talk to other mothers about concerns

Dear Annie: I have an 11-year-old daughter who is being ostracized at school by two Queen Bees. These girls have power over several other girls in their grade, and a handful will not talk to my daughter. Previously, she was friends with some of them. My daughter is a good student and a truly nice girl with a heart of gold. She is not the only one they treat this way.

I am friendly with the mothers of the other girls. I already tried broaching this subject with one of them, and it was a disappointment. The mother, with whom I was very close and who used to call me numerous times, suddenly stopped all communication. That was nearly three years ago.

Is it worth trying to talk to the other mothers, or do I just let it go? I can’t believe these women are aware of their daughters’ behavior or are happy about it. I would certainly want to know if my child treated others badly.

I have taught my daughter to make friends with the other girls in her grade, who are all very nice. Nevertheless, she feels bad and wants to be friends with everyone. This is a small school in a small town, and these girls will be together through high school. I would like to see them make peace. — Mom in the Middle

Dear Mom: This can be such a difficult age for girls, and it is common for cliques to form. Considering the one mother’s response to you, we don’t wonder where her daughter’s Queen Bee attitude comes from.

Yes, by all means, talk to the other mothers, but do not accuse their daughters of being cruel. Simply say your daughter misses their friendship. You also can report bullying (and ostracizing others falls into that category) to the school authorities. Other than that, Mom, you are wise to encourage your daughter to form friendships with the other children in her class. She needs to believe she has a lot to offer, no matter what the Queen Bees say.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.