Don?t feel pressured to attend out-of-town wedding

Dear Annie: My 60-year-old niece, “Louise,” is being married for the first time. She lives out of state, and the whole shebang is being planned as if she were some 20-year-old blushing bride.

Louise always has been a loner. She’s industrious and proper, but not particularly close to her family, although she’s on good terms with them. However, I am disenchanted with the sparse attention she pays to her aged mother (my sister), who lives in the same town. Louise never goes out of her way for any of us. I have never seen the inside of her home, and she hasn’t been in mine for many years, although when I visited her mother a while back, Louise did drive across town to spend a few minutes with me.

I feel friendly toward Louise, but not overly obligated. However, the entire clan expects me to attend the nuptials. I am in my 70s, divorced and in excellent health. However, I don’t like the idea of a six-hour drive all by myself, and I hate large airports. There is no direct flight to the town where she will be married, and even if I were willing to fly there, I’d still have to rent a car and drive for a while.

Common sense tells me that a civil ceremony with a handful of people would have been more appropriate, but it’s not my call to make. I don’t want to offend anyone, but do you think sending a gift and card would suffice? — Aging Uncle

Dear Uncle: While we think getting married for the first time at the age of 60 is a reason to celebrate, we understand why you don’t want to make the trip. Is there anyone from your area who might be willing to travel with you? Are there family members you’d like to see who would be in attendance? If you can’t find a reason that makes the trip worthwhile, sending a gift and card is perfectly fine.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.