ROBSERVATIONS: Looking in the sports crystal ball
For our final dose of Robservations for this calendar year, let’s look ahead — as we always do — to what the sports future might hold in 2006.
(Remember, if any of these come true, it’s because I predicted it. If they don’t come true, it was just a joke.)
– A road win over Bradley starts the campaign, and ends a streak of games in which WCHS fails to score 13 or more points over a seven-minute span in an odd-numbered quarter of a road game.
– At DeKalb County, a Pioneer with a uniform number greater than six, but less than 15, gains over 4.3 yards per carry in the first half of a non-region road contest for the first time since the 1992 season.
– Come playoff time, the second-seeded Pioneers will become the first host playoff school in 12 years to have red-shirted fans in the stands while simultaneously having an overweight sports writer in a multi-colored toboggan screaming from the press box. (That one was a feat last accomplished, historians agree, by the 1994 Oakland Patriots. Eerily, it was the same sports writer.)
As a result, sales of knee braces throughout the country will quadruple, and embroidery shops will be swamped with girls’ basketball coaches who want their school’s logo sewn onto the backsides of their team’s shorts.
Fans attempting to purchase a hot-air balloon ride will be disappointed, however, when they learn what they’ve approached is not a colorful maroon and gold balloon, but in fact it’s Warrior head coach Buddy Powers.
(Editor’s note: Just ribbing you, Buddy. You know you’re one of the few visiting coaches we actually like.)
His resolution for the new year will be to go on a strict diet, and set a physical example his players can live up to.
Tragically, Krispy Kreme stock will plummet to an all-time low, and massive layoffs at Pillsbury and Hostess plants will cripple several local economies. The entire city of Hershey, Pennsylvania, will have to close its doors — for good.