Dave Says: How long should hubby wait for the right job?

Dear Dave,
My husband has not worked in three months, and we’re close to losing our home. I’m working three jobs myself trying to keep us treading water while he’s waiting for “the right job.” I have encouraged him to continue doing this, but at the same time find a cash job like delivering pizzas or newspapers to help out, but I guess he thinks this kind of work is beneath him. Should I continue working or should I quit the really difficult job and let him take responsibility, even if it means losing everything? I love my husband, but this is driving me crazy.
– Paula via e-mail

Dear Paula,
When a guy, in particular, loses a job it’s a huge deal in his life. Many guys are task oriented, and if they’re not careful they start defining themselves by what they do rather than who they are.
When I went broke several years ago, I had to re-define who I was in my own mind. I lost my business and in many ways I looked at that company as who I was. My identity was suddenly gone. Guys suffer from that when they lose their job, and sometimes they also lose their courage to go fight again.
You two need to sit down with a good marriage counselor, and your husband needs someone he respects to slap him around a little bit because he’s confused as to why he works. There are two reasons we work, one is to provide for our families – that’s our primary job. The second reason is to exercise our calling, or the reason we were put on this planet. But you can’t accomplish the second one when you’re not doing the first one. You’ve got to make sure your family has eaten and has a place to live.
Three months of a guy sitting on his butt in this situation is unacceptable. I don’t want to hear about a career path or that you’re too good or over-qualified. Get a job and take care of your family! I don’t care if it’s delivering pizza, cutting grass or shoveling snow. You might not find your dream job right away, but in-between you have to stand up, be a man and take care of your responsibilities.
Now, I understand sometimes guys go through problems and need a sabbatical of some kind to work through the pain. I did some of that when I went broke, and there were days when I was no good to anybody. But at the end of the day I didn’t lose my home because I was just sitting around doing nothing.
It’s time for your husband to stand up and do something!
– Dave

Dear Dave,
We just terminated a lease on a car because my wife had some medical problems that left her unable to drive and we didn’t have the money to continue the agreement. The car company was willing to work with us under the circumstances, but what exactly does a “paid collection” mean on your credit bureau report?
– Erik in Portland, Maine

Dear Erik,
Basically, it means you didn’t pay them, but they decided under the circumstances that it’s OK. It is an amount you owed, but they forgave the debt and it leaves a gray mark on your credit report. If they wanted their money and you simply didn’t pay, then it would leave a black mark on the report, which is much worse.
I’d strongly suggest you get the agreement in writing, Erik. That way they can’t come back and try to collect it later if some new manager takes over and attempts to start the whole thing up again.
– Dave