Dave Says: Spoiling grandson has gone too far

Dear Dave,
I just recently adopted my grandson, who is 7 years old. In the past, all he had to do was say please a few times and I’d give him almost anything he wanted. Now that he’s basically my son it’s a little different, and I want to teach him some responsibility where money is concerned.
– Lisa

Dear Lisa,
Well, it won’t be painless because he’s had it made up to this point. It’s better to happen now, though, when he’s under your wing and you can control the level of pain, rather than being out in life’s jungle when he discovers that the axis of the world does not run through the top of his little head. You’re a wise lady to take care of this right now.
If I were in your shoes, I’d sit him down and tell him I had made a mistake. At his age, he’s old enough to understand this and it’s what I do with my kids. I’d tell him the mistake I made was spoiling you as your grandmother, but now I have to be your mom, and as your mom I know that’s not good for you. As my grandmother down south used to say, “The worm has turned, boy!” Explain to him you love him very much, and you’re doing it in order to prepare him to be a responsible adult and have a wonderful life.
But don’t beat yourself up too much for the past, Lisa. You’re doing what’s best. I’m guilty of this kind of thing, too. I’ve got teenagers who don’t hear the word “no” often enough, and when one of them does hear it they always get this weird look on their face. No can be a good word, because lots of times it’ll keep people out of trouble.
– Dave

Dear Dave,
My husband and I get into arguments all the time over tipping the servers when we go to restaurants. He feels everyone is morally obligated to tip because servers make below minimum wage. In fact, it got so bad the last time I had to bring our priest into the discussion. What do you think?
– Diane in Pittsburgh, Pa.

Dear Diane,
You really brought a priest into the discussion to help settle it? Wow, at least I’m in good company.
You are not morally obligated to tip a server in a restaurant. The server has a choice to work there or somewhere else.
If that waiter or waitress makes your experience pleasant and goes the extra mile to take care of you, then sure they deserve a great tip. Servers work hard and they deserve acknowledgment for a job well done.
But if everyone made a habit of tipping all the time or for BAD service, then no one would ever get good service again. Tradition has it that TIPS stands for “To Insure Proper Service.” All of that said, the rule I use on tipping is, “when in doubt, tip well.”
– Dave