Robservations: Chipping, stripping don’t mix
One of this area’s biggest annual golf tournaments will be played this Saturday, and as usual, I’m sure everything will go off without a hitch and a good time will be had by all.
Unfortunately, golfers in Naperville, Ill., can’t quite say the same after their recent tourney.
The Country Lakes Golf Club, located in Naperville, a suburb of Chicago, recently played host to a golf outing sponsored by Blackjack’s Gentleman’s Club. According to published reports and witness testimony, the event featured not only birdies and bogeys, but plenty of bouncing beauties, as well.
People living around the links, including Geoff Pacana, who resides near the 16th green, reported female “dancers” in bikinis cavorting on the course, “entertaining” male golfers during their round.
“It’s not something you’d expect in a family-oriented town like Naperville,” Pacana told a reporter. “It’s certainly not something you’d want any of the kids who live around here to see.”
One resident called the local police department, then did a bit of evidence-gathering of their own, videotaping some of the allegedly illicit acts through her window. The tape wound up in the hands of a Chicago television station, and could be subpoenaed as evidence in a possible criminal investigation.
What a shame. Something as pure as a round of golf turning into some sordid act of debauchery.
But on the other hand, you’ve got to give those tournament organizers an “A” for originality.
Think about it. The tourney had to make a fortune. I’ve seen guys buy a mulligan for $10, can you imagine what they’d pay to play with strippers on the course?
Here’s another question, though: How long did it take to play this tournament? I’ve seen some pretty slow players around here in regular scrambles, I can just imagine how long they’d dawdle if there were scantily clad ladies on every hole.
Three of the above-mentioned players will forever be legends. The fourth will forever be a joke.
Palmeiro, we found out this week, was a big fat liar when he waggled his holier-than-thou finger at the United States Congress this March and said “I have never, ever, used steroids.”
Perhaps while he was shaking one finger, he had his fingers crossed on the other hand. Or maybe his microphone went out in mid-sentence, and we didn’t hear the end of the quote, where he said “as far as you know.”
Of course, he said this week he didn’t “knowingly” use any illegal substance. What a crock. Sources inside the testing process have revealed Palmeiro tested positive for stanozol. That’s not only the same substance which caused Ben Johnson to be stripped of his gold medal in 1988 — which brought steroids into the spotlight — it’s also not available in any over-the-counter supplement. So it’s not like Palmeiro chomped on an energy bar, not knowing it had this junk in it.
Hopefully, Congress will find Palmeiro guilty of perjury. And if it’s proven he tested positive before he recorded his 3,000th hit, hopefully baseball will yank his name out of its record books. Cheaters don’t deserve to be mentioned in the same breath with legends.