Taking A Stand: I don’t enjoy holding a grudge
It’s odd how people will hold a grudge for so long, harboring animosity for something someone did to them years ago.
I hear it all the time in my line of work. I will cross paths with someone who will pull up an article I wrote years ago and maintain I wronged them in some way. They will point to how they did not agree with the contents of the article or how it affected them negatively.
Seeing my job is mostly reporting bad news, I rarely get the pat on the back for doing some positive piece on someone. Generally, if my name is above the story, it’s going to be bad news. Hey, I do crime and courts, wrecks and fires, disasters and controversies. That’s my beat and there’s just not many positives to take home from it.
Perhaps I’m just blessed with a thick skin or maybe I’m easy going, but I just don’t hold a grudge. Instead, I will generally either approach the person with the problem I have with their conduct or I’ll simply walk away from the person so there isn’t negative words exchanged seeing there are some words which will stick with a person for good. Heck, I think it’s better for two people to have a knock-down, drag-out fistfight rather than to walk around harboring resentment for years, talking bad about one another like a couple of spoiled kids who didn’t get their way.
However, it’s been my finding people prefer to hold grudges against others rather than to confront the issue or simply let it go. And generally, these grudges are just stupid. In most cases, a simple conversation with the other person would solve the entire problem. But instead, they go on most of their lives with that anger eating away in their belly.
So why is it that people like to hold grudges? Well, for one, I believe they have no real ability to communicate well with others. They aren’t sure how to convey what they are thinking unless it is at a point where they just explode. Or, it’s a lack of courage to speak up and tell the other person their issues.
Another reason, I believe, is just sheer boredom. I’ve noticed most people with petty grudges have nothing to do with their time so they have to invent an “us” versus “them” game whereby they put together their little gang, trying to win over as many supporters to their side of the issue as they can. It’s a great waste of time, and what’s more, it’s just not good for a person. A person who constantly holds grudges just becomes bitter and old before their time.
I would offer advice to “just let it go” but most grudge holders also have a problem with taking advice from other people. Of course, “just let it go” doesn’t seem to be in the vocabulary of many people around here. For some reason there seems to be a pervasive idea that every one must “get even” before things can be straight.
This tendency doesn’t really bother me since it only comes to mind when I come across one of these angry people. Instead of returning the bad feeling, I simply feel pity for them for harboring stuff for so long without talking to me about it. Generally, I found if I talk to the person, it’s resolved in minutes. If it can’t be resolved, then I’m not afraid to agree to disagree.
The way I look at it is this is a small town and there’s more important things than for me to try to remember what grudges I have against people. Hey, if you’ve got a grudge, you don’t have to even resolve it by talking to the person. Instead, it can all be resolved by four little words — “just let it go.”
Duane Sherrill is a reporter with the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].