Does Atkins diet allow cotton candy?
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I hardly want to relive that whole rant again this week, but I have to mention the fact that the state’s hard stance against gambling (if that’s what you call third-graders selling raffle tickets) has resulted in the cancellation of bovine bingo at this year’s fair. It’s a travesty!
I say if you have state laws that pertain to when and where a cow does its business, so to speak, you have too much government intervention. As for this year’s fair, I’m glad you asked because the arrival of the fair signals the unofficial arrival of fall in Warren County. You can always count on the night air getting just a bit nippy. It’s tradition.
As for what type of winter we have in store, that’s a question I’ve been hearing a lot lately. I guess since I work for the paper, folks think I chat regularly with Bill Hall.
But since people want to know about winter weather, I have tracked down the latest edition of “The Old Farmer’s Almanac.” The trusty guide, which has been published for 213 years, predicts a beastly winter with frigid temperatures and above-average snowfall. It’s probably not the news you wanted to hear.
“The Old Farmer’s Almanac” says this winter will be among the coldest ever in the South. The chilling weather will last from November to March, so the book says.
But I may be getting ahead of myself with this talk about winter. After all, it is just fair time which means you may need a sweatshirt, but no coat just yet.
With the fair in mind, it’s fitting to do a brief question-and-answer segment about this county’s biggest event. Just don’t rely on the accuracy of the answers.
Q: I haven’t heard much about singer Dierks Bentley. Why was he selected as this year’s headline attraction?
A: That’s a good question, especially since I’ve been pushing for AC/DC as the feature band for the past several years.
Truth be told, I’m not really familiar with Bentley. I thought he was the person who sang about the sexy tractor, but people have since told me that’s Kenny Chesney.
Q: I’ve been following a strict Atkins diet. What kind of restrictions are there about eating cotton candy at the fair?
A: I’m no doctor so I can’t provide a medical opinion. But I can say this question reminds me of a popular joke which I will share.
A man asked his physician how long he would live. The physician responded by saying, “Tell me about your lifestyle.”
The man said, “I follow a very strict diet where I only eat fruit, vegetables and whole grains. I never drink a drop of alcohol, not even on weekends or holidays. At night, I never go out with the guys and am always in bed by 9:30 p.m.”
His doctor replied, “With that kind of life, why are you worried how long you will live?”
The moral of this story is it doesn’t matter what kind of diet you’re following. If you can’t enjoy a bag of cotton candy at the fair, then you’re not really living.
Q: I’m thinking about entering my toddler in one of the baby shows but have heard those shows are rigged. Is there any truth to that rumor?
A: Absolutely not. I suspect those rumors were started by self-absorbed, irrational parents who hold grand illusions that their baby is the best in the world. I say if adults could start acting more mature and quit griping about trivial things such as baby shows, this community would be a better place.
That said, I must mention the time the 6 to 12 month baby show was clearly slanted against my son Benjamin. There was no doubt he was the cutest baby on stage – my wife even agrees – yet he wasn’t declared the winner. Yes, that year there was a conspiracy.
James Clark is editor of the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at editor@southernstandard.com.