Taking A Stand: Our presidential hopefuls lack color
It’s at times like these I actually miss Bill Clinton. No, I wasn’t a big fan, nor did I ever vote for him, but at least you could count on Slick Willie to add a little spice to the election year.
Whether it was him telling us he “didn’t inhale” or saying “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” our former president was never boring. And, by the same token, he conjured up interest in the electoral system as most people were generally not neutral when it came to Clinton at election time. He, if nothing else, was a master campaigner.
So here we are, the campaign of 2004 is upon us, bringing with it all the excitement of watching paint dry. The process of elimination has gotten rid of all Democratic candidates who were even moderately interesting, leaving us with a guy so boring he practically puts himself to sleep. Hey, at least Howard Dean could roust you from slumber with one of his primal yells. Plus that kind of crazy look in his eyes, similar to the way possum glares at your headlights at 3 a.m., would have kept us all on the edge of our seats seeing he would have had “the button” at his fingertips.
What is it with politics nowadays? What happened to all the characters? What happened to Michael Dukakis riding on a tank with that ridiculous looking helmet? Jimmy Carter and his peanuts, not to mention his black sheep brother airing himself out on a Libyan airstrip? Ronald Reagan and Nancy and the monkey? Gerald Ford and his constant beaning of the audience at golf tournaments? Heck, even Ross Perot and his “giant sucking sound” and those really cool charts on his infomercials?
Put simply, there’s no fun left in politics. All of the characters are gone and we’re left with a bunch of stiff stuffed suits which make members of the old Russian politburo look like players. Is this a reflection of the American electorate? Have we become so disenfranchised that we can no longer stomach anything spicier than plain and boring after our roller coaster ride with Clinton?
Hey, I’m a Republican, and even the GOP has become boring. There hasn’t been a personality seeking the White House since Reagan. Come on, if you put both Bushes together you couldn’t get one personality between them. And poor Bob Dole, the man was a riot, he just had problems letting himself go.
Now we got John Kerry, a guy who sounds like the robot off “Lost in Space” – “danger Will Robinson, danger” – and an incumbent president whose only color is that he mispronounces the word “terror” on a regular basis. Of course, he was Mr. Excitement next to his first opponent, Al Gore, who I still contend is an alien. Like a football game which ends in a 7-7 tie, the only excitement about that race was the close ending. Watching their debates was like watching two nerds with pocket protectors debate square roots. Re-runs of “Falcon Crest” would have been preferable.
What ever happened to the emotion of politics? There used to be a feeling you’d get, even when your candidate didn’t win. It was a kind of feeling of a new beginning, or a change of pace, something to look forward to. There’s no such feeling this year, win, lose or draw.
Sure, I’ll vote for Bush, seeing his opponent’s only real interesting talent is being able to marry rich women. But, even in victory, I’ll feel somewhat jaded, like I’ve chosen, not the lesser of two evils, but the lesser of two boring candidates.
Duane Sherrill is a reporter for the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].