Discuss aging issues prior to crisis

During the holiday season, adult children often become more aware of the effects of aging on their parents. Children may see their parents having more difficulty completing common daily activities or becoming withdrawn from the family celebration. Families are encouraged to take the opportunity during the holidays to openly discuss aging and care issues with siblings and parents.

The subject of care for elderly parents makes most people uncomfortable. Often fear, guilt, financial concerns and sibling rivalries cloud the real issues of elder care. Honest discussion in a relaxed atmosphere may help your family avoid the tremendous stress that can occur when care decisions are made in the heat of crisis.

By opening a dialogue within your family, parents and siblings can express their viewpoints and understand the concerns of others. Parents will likely be reluctant to acknowledge their lost ability, and likewise some siblings may be unwilling to accept their parents’ aging. Use the conversation to address the best way to maintain the elder’s independence while making their living environment safe and low stress.

Start your conversation by identifying your parents’ concerns about aging. Giver them the opportunity to discuss their concerns about needing care or assistance. Listen and provide loving advice, encourage them to make independent decisions as long as they are able. If the situation becomes tense or too stressful, set side the discussion for another day or time.

Do your research. Before starting the dialogue with your family, do some research to familiarize yourself with elder care options. As you consider which options might be best for your parent, remember that most seniors would prefer to stay in their own homes. If your parent simply cannot remain at home alone, look into alternatives that would continue to give them the greatest level of independence.

While you are considering care, it’s a good opportunity to determine what financial plans your parent has in place to cover the costs of care. The cost of care varies widely and you should not count on their Medicare or Social Security benefits to cover everything. For details on what care costs Medicare covers, refer to “Medicare and You 2004.”

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services offers several resources through the Administration on Aging and the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services that will help with issues on aging. AoA offers a guide to discussing aging issues with your parents on its Eldercare Locator Web site. To download the guide, visit www.eldercare.gov and click on the “Face the Facts” guide link.

CMS, the government agency that runs Medicare, provides information on choosing nursing homes and home health agencies at www.medicare.gov or by calling 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227). When accessing www.medicare.gov, you can compare quality of care information on nursing homes or home health agencies. You can also download a guide to “Medicare and Home Health Care” or “Guide to Choosing a Nursing Home.” If you don’t have Internet access, call 1-800-MEDICARE to request a copy of either guide.

For additional resources on aging, contact Upper Cumberland Development District in Cookeville, the Area Agency on Aging and Disability serving this community.