Taking A Stand: Twinkie jokes not always well taken
You’d expect people to change a lot over a period of two decades, much as I had assumed in last week’s column when I talked about going to my 20-year class reunion.
Well, assumptions are often wrong, and they were to a large part in this case. Much to my surprise, most of my old classmates had changed very little and were easily recognizable without having to take a sneak peak at their name tags. Heck, our class president looked like she had been frozen for 20 years only to be thawed out for the reunion given the way she hadn’t changed one bit. Needless to say, the least changed award was hard to give out given the uncanny preservation of many of my classmates.
There were, of course, a few who looked somewhat different. The prize for most changed went to a somewhat small guy, who back in high school was known for his mullet. Well, Saturday night he shows up and nobody can recognize him. Seems this guy, now a mean, lean fighting machine, is a long-time Marine Corps veteran and he looks like a recruiting poster for the Marines now.
As for me, I also received an award Saturday night. Of course, it wasn’t for what I expected. I had hoped I would get an award for the “most incredibly hot member of the class” or the “superstud award.” Unfortunately, neither of these awards were given, both of which I believe I would have received.
Instead, I received the coveted Twinkie Award which is wanted by many, but received by few. It seems more people than I first thought actually read my column, even those who live in other states.
If you will recall, in last week’s column, I made a ill-conceived remark about the possibility that some of my female classmates may have been sitting on the couch eating Twinkies and watching “Days of Our Lives” for the past 20 years. Funny how statements regarding “gravity having a negative affect on the body” don’t necessarily fly well with women. And, let me just pause and say all of my female classmates looked great Saturday night, most even improving over the years.
Much to my chagrin, certain unsavory portions of that column were read aloud, out of context may I add, to the masses at the reunion. Looking into the crowd of faces who had once been delighted to see me, I could almost make out the flickering torches of a Slim Fast lynch mob forming.
Thinking quickly as I was handed the microphone to accept my award (two Twinkies), I tried to cut the tension with humor.
“Now tell us, why did you write something like that,” my presenter asked me like she was Jerry Springer or something. (By the way, she looked great too). “Does it look like we’ve been eating Twinkies?”
Timidly taking the microphone, a voice out of my control responded.
“Well, this is the class of ’83, I just figured no one will be able to read it,” I said, further irritating the masses, immediately realizing that kind of humor pretty much should have been left in the year 1983.
Well, thank goodness there weren’t any tomatoes or eggs on the buffet, because I would have been pelted.
All in all, aside from my near lynching, it was a great experience, getting to see the folks I grew up with. I came away feeling somewhat young again after realizing 20 years really isn’t that long after all. And, I discovered people really don’t change that much, even over the course of two decades.
Maybe we’ll have a 25-year reunion. If we do, trust me, they’ll be no Twinkie references.
(Duane Sherrill is a reporter for the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].)