Now Hear This: Credit card companies are pests
They get my Pest of the Year award. Heck, they deserve better. Let’s make it the Pest of the Decade.
I am proud to announce the Hope Hines Pest of the Decade honor goes to ? the credit card companies of America.
If you are a man or woman over the age of accountability you, no doubt, have heard from a credit card company either by phone (highly irritating) or by mail. The phrase, “You have been pre-approved” gives you a million dollar feeling. You get the feeling. They get the million! But, understand what “pre-approved” means – you are breathing.
RING! RING! RING!
“May I speak with Mr Hines, please?”
“This is he.”
“Mr Hines, this is the Pay for Life credit card company of America, and we would like to send you our new gold, platinum, titanium, diamond, all-in-one, no charge limit, remain in debt, the rest of your life ? with an Elvis picture on it.”
“How did you get my unlisted phone number?” I inquired.
Silence!
“And, if you say yes here on the phone we will add our new combo life insurance package (you pay until you die), and frequent flier offer. Provided you fly on or before midnight on St. Patrick’s Day to any friendly country outside the United States.”
“I insist you tell me how you got my unlisted phone number,” I said again.
Silence!
“And, if you say yes, before 6 p.m. today we will add our new attorney consultation provider which means you will be able to consult with attorney’s in your area provided you call between the hours of 3 and 4 a.m. on the third Wednesday of any month with more than 30 days in it.
“I am going to ask you once more, politely! How did you get my unlisted phone number?”
“If I could just verify your address then. Is this Mr Hines who lives at 1203 Runaway Lane, Blithe, New Mexico?”
“Well ? yes! Yes, it is.” I replied. “And, I would like to sign up immediately!”
Was I awful or what? (The conversation never happened ? no e-mail’s please).
First and foremost we must understand credit card companies use what’s commonly called “gorilla tactics” in their phone networking, and their philosophy is you can never owe too much. Why don’t they just give every new born baby their very own credit card at birth? A nice touch would be their foot imprint on the card.
What part of “NO” don’t you understand, is a question they are not familiar with. When they ask you what would prevent you from owning their credit card you might reply:
Oh, gosh, let me think ? mmmm ? maybe because I already have a credit card, or two, or three, or more. I just got out of debt. Or, I’m already in debt over my head. Maybe I want to be responsible and not live over my means anymore. That one really shocks them, because that’s not the American way. In fact none of those reasons are good enough for the credit card companies.
Sadly, I’ve come to the conclusion, there is no escape from credit card companies. I’ve used every approach known to man to say no. They keep calling.
The nice approach. “Thank you, but no. I’m about to have dinner, but thank you anyway.” They will call back.
The leave me alone approach. “Look, I already told you or somebody like you, I’m not interested. Good-bye!” They will still call back.
The please, take me off your list approach. But they never do. And, remember. They will always call back.
So, I’ve instructed members of my family, that if I’m ever lost at sea, to give the credit card companies of America my name. They’ll find me.
(Hope Hines is a television sports reporter and Nashville personality.)