Robservations: A holiday tale for all ages
In the spirit of the season, a new look at “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas),” with apologies to Major Henry Livingston Jr.:
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Five days before Christmas, in the wide world of sports;
sixth-graders were running, up basketball courts.
And faithfully there, right up in the stands,
Nunley and Stubblefield, notebooks in hand.
• The freshmen had ball games, the varsity too,
And bowlers, and wrestlers, plus who knows who.
So Dale headed one way, and I went the other,
to try and see how many games we could cover.
• Then that night in the office, we heard such a ruckus,
We ran out of the newsroom, to see what had struck us.
Out to the back door I flew like a flash,
up on the loading dock, back by the trash.
• I snatched up the Nikon, in case there would be
a chance for a front-page photo credit for me,
and coming to earth, first slowly, then faster
was a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny sportscasters.
• With a little bald driver, who was speaking so quick,
I knew in a second, ‘Hey, it’s Vitale! It’s Dick!”
More rapid than fast-breaks the sportscasters came,
as he hollered, and shouted, and called them by name;
• “Now, Hines! Now, Howard! now, Biddle, Blake and Plaster!
On, Willie, Pete and Terry, the Preds’ broadcasters!
On to every gymnasium, the big and the small,
now dash away, Baby! Dash away all!”
• Amazing as it was to see sportscasters fly,
I could not look away, as they took to the sky
To the roof of the Standard, sailed this entire crew
of local sportscasters, and Dick Vitale, too.
• I headed inside, there was copy to write.
And the Jaycees hoops scores had piled up overnight.
I reached my computer, and had just settled down,
when down from advertising, Dickie came with a bound.
• He was bald as a cue ball, but far from unhappy,
and some of his catchphrases were a bit sappy;
But he brought with him presents, for our local squads,
and knew just what they wanted! What are the odds?
• For Ann Eades and Doug Keil, two 20-win seasons,
He said that he figured that would be plenty pleasin’.
And our football-team buddies, they sure wouldn’t scoff,
at a trip to the 2002 state title playoffs.
• District titles for every team, the big and the small,
and for Jamie “Cat” Walker, a trip to the Hall,
then he wrapped up his sack, and said he was through,
I thought “Stubby, did he forget ’bout me and you?”
• Hey, Vitale, I wondered, wouldn’t you think,
that we could get something, for all of this ink?
Maybe a Pulitzer, some other award,
or a steering wheel cover, to go on my Ford?
• But he just gave a wink, and tossed me some candy,
then said something like “Dale’s a real diaper-dandy.”
And as he flew off, as quick as he came, he said
“Merry Christmas, Baby! Now go watch a game!”