Domestic violence is everyone’s business
The majority of us would agree that children should feel safe in the arms of their families, and most of the time that is indeed the case, but not always. It is a sad fact that some children live in an atmosphere of violence and abuse. Domestic violence in this country seems to be running rampant, and the effects of this abuse are evident in our society.
Our prisons are filled with violent offenders and we have one of the highest crime rates worldwide for this type of offense.
Domestic violence must figure prominently in the growth of this problem. One has to assume that a violent childhood breeds a violent adult; it only makes sense. And that adult will probably, in turn, breed another generation of rage.
It’s a vicious circle, made all the more vicious since it is our children who are ultimately the victims. But even though there are a plethora of programs that attempt to alleviate this cycle, not much progress is being made.
It is another sad fact that a lot of violence in families goes unreported. Mothers are afraid of losing much needed financial support as well as the trauma of breaking up the family unit. Many times if the violence is infrequent, a spouse will decide to tolerate it in order to keep the family together. In other cases, if the violence is usually due to substance abuse, such as alcohol, the offender will promise to quit and the spouse will take his or her word for it, only to be subjected to further drunken rages when the abuser falls off the wagon.
Obviously, it is hard to force a family into counseling if the offender hasn’t formally fallen afoul of the law. If the violence remains a family secret and is never reported, then there is little anyone can do.
Meanwhile, children in such situations begin to believe this is a way of life. They either grow up to abuse their own families or learn to, in effect, acquiesce to the violence. Perpetrators learn to depend on the tendency for our society to stay out of another family’s business. We make much of our right to privacy in this country, but this right should not make it easy for abusers to carry on their violent lifestyles in secret.
We have to make it our business if we know of such situations within families with which we become acquainted, even if it seems obtrusive, and in some cases, potentially endangering to ourselves.
We can’t let the fear of invading someone’s privacy prevent us from taking steps when we know in our hearts that steps should be taken, if only for the sake of the children who are involved.
We have to realize a violent family is not a real family. Real families offer love and comfort and support, not violence and shame.
We need to watch out for children. Our children are one of our most important resources, and as a result, each child becomes everyone’s child.
As has been said over and over in recent years, it does indeed take a village. We must not hide our eyes when a wrong needs to be righted. Domestic violence is an insidious problem. We must not allow it to hide away in secrecy, we must bring it out into the open and defeat it.