Robservations: Looking for your ‘initial’ reactions
In case you haven’t heard, I spent about half of my recent vacation on the open road, riding shotgun in a friend’s tractor-trailer as we traveled across the southeast.
And through four days of stops in Kentucky, Memphis, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and Florida, I learned several interesting facts.
For one thing, I learned that interstates with even numbers (24, 40, etc.) go east to west, while odd-numbered roads (65, 81, etc.) run north to south. It may be common knowledge to some of you, but I’ve never considered myself “common.”
I also became convinced of one very important thing: If, by some unfortunate turn of events, I am no longer able to be your friendly neighborhood sports editor, it’ll be a cold day in Tijuana before I become your friendly neighborhood cross-country trucker. Nothing against Big Leonard or any of those other hard-working drivers, but that all seems just a little too much like work for yours truly, 10-4?
(Oh, I almost forgot. I picked up some cool CB lingo, too. What about ‘ya, South-bound?)
One of the most interesting things I learned of while on the road, as it turned out, is the overwhelming use of acronyms — both legitimate, and not-so-legitimate.
An acronym, for those of you who may not remember your high school english classes, is defined as a word formed from the initial letters of a name, such as W.A.C. for Women’s Army Corps or P.E.T.A for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
Well, truckers seem to have plenty of acronyms, too — many, it appears, made up by independent drivers to make fun of their “company-driving” counterparts. If you work for these companies, don’t be mad. But along the highway I heard “Werner” described as “We employ rookies, no experience required” as one example, and picked up several others that decorum prohibits reprinting here. (This is a family section, after all.)
After returning home, I found myself thinking of some of those acronyms, and trying to come up with a few from my own area of interest. It turned out to be harder than it looked, and I thought I’d share them with you here.
F.O.O.T.B.A.L.L.: Favors Oversized Oxes; This Battle will Always Leave Lacerations.
S.O.C.C.E.R.: Some Other Country’s Creation with Enigmatic Rules.
B.A.S.E.B.A.L.L.: Boys Aspire on Summer Evenings to Bat Against a Legendary Lefty.
C.O.L.L.E.G.E.F.O.O.T.B.A.L.L.: Come On, Let Less Educated Giants Enroll; Find One Of The Boosters And Loan players a Lexus.
How about a few individual athletes?
T.I.G.E.R.W.O.O.D.S.: Truly Incredible Golfer; Earned Respect While Overcoming Obstacles Due to Skin.
S.A.M.M.Y.S.O.S.A.: Slugged Against McGwire Many Years; Suspected Of Steroid Abuse.
B.A.R.R.Y.B.O.N.D.S.: Big And Ruthless, in Record Year Baseballs Often Neared Distant Stratospheres.
D.A.L.E.E.A.R.N.H.A.R.D.T.: Drove Against Legends Easily; Earning Accolades Racing Nationwide He Achieved Records, then Died Tragically.
M.I.C.H.A.E.L.J.O.R.D.A.N.: Made Incredibly Creative High Acts of Elevation Look Just Ordinary, Routinely Dunked Across the Nation.
And finally:
R.O.B.N.U.N.L.E.Y.: Regularly Offers Ballgame News, Untalented Near Links Each Year.