The Scoop: I can name one worthy lawsuit
It took a couple days, but I think most of the UT fans have finally stopped screaming. That New Year’s Eve beating administered by Maryland Tuesday night was pretty painful.
New Year’s Day was a bit more enjoyable. With the remote in my hand and my rump planted firmly on the sofa, the non-stop college football action provided the perfect backdrop for some thoughtful contemplation. At least I call it thoughtful contemplation because I like to give myself the benefit of the doubt.
Here are a few ideas which popped in my head:
• As hard as it is to believe a safe fell on 19-year-old Amy McDonald inside Wal-Mart and nearly killed her, it’s even more difficult to believe she can’t sue Wal-Mart. In this day when anybody can sue for just about anything, it’s harsh irony that the one person who appears entitled to money due to someone else’s negligence is shafted.
We’ve all heard about the woman sticking it to McDonald’s because she spilled hot coffee in her lap. That lawsuit has been followed by a fat man who has sued four different fast-food restaurants because he says those restaurants are responsible for his obesity.
Locally, there are several multi-million dollar lawsuits still pending against Dr. Welburne Johnson because some female patients contend he made them feel uncomfortable by making sexual comments.
Now I’m not belittling those complaints, but I also don’t think a lewd comment made by a doctor causes “insurmountable emotional trauma” as I’m sure some lawyer is going to argue in court. To compensate for that “trauma” of a few inappropriate remarks, Dr. Johnson needs to fork over millions to make all the pain disappear.
In short, this is ridiculous. Judging by the logic of our legal system, you better watch your language, but it’s OK to allow a 300-pound safe to nearly crush an innocent girl to death. The more I think about this situation, the more it doesn’t make sense.
• If it just doesn’t feel like it’s time to usher in another new year, I think I know why. It’s because the weather we’ve been having feels more like swimsuit season than the early days of January.
I say this after heading out to a New Year’s Eve party without bothering to bring a jacket. I say this after raking leaves on New Year’s Day in a short-sleeve T-shirt.
I don’t particularly like to scrape ice off my windshield or shiver when I step outside, but I would at least like to see a few more signs of winter. If this hot streak keeps up, I half expect to have to mow my yard next week.
You’ve heard of Christmas in July shopping sales. Now the weather isn’t far behind.
Forget chestnuts roasting by an open fire. If December weather gets much hotter, we’re going to be sipping lemonade on the front porch swing.
• Some of you may have seen the story in Wednesday’s edition of the Standard which discussed the long-standing Southern tradition of eating pig jaws on New Year’s Day. According to tradition, the pig jaw meat is mixed with black-eyed peas and that recipe is supposed to produce good luck.
About the only thing I can see pig jaw meat producing is coronary arrest. You’re going to need the good luck the pig jaw meat brings in order to avoid an impending heart attack.
The way I see it, pig jaws must be for all those folks who simply can’t get enough cholesterol from eating bacon and sausage, and who don’t want to inject cholesterol directly into their blood stream. Medically speaking, eating pig jaw meat is about as healthy as dancing on subway tracks. It’s one New Year’s tradition I believe I’ll avoid.
(James Clark is editor of the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].)