Robservations: Taking a look at the future
|
• In January, the Bowl Championship Series people will once again beat their chests and pat each other on the back, convinced their system works.
But when the final Top 25 polls are published, it’s clear what the voters think of the BCS when Motlow State is named the nation’s top team. Vandy, Draughons Junior College and “Wottsamotta U.” all receive votes.
• The Memphis Grizzlies become the Cinderella story of the NBA, making the playoffs by the skin of their teeth and shocking the world by rolling all the way to the championship finals.
Approximately four people care.
• As the baseball season begins, commissioner Bud Selig further alienates himself from the fans by changing the rules to our national pastime.
From now on, the rule states, any game can end in a tie if both teams agree they’re just too tired from counting all their cash to keep playing.
Selig will go on to offer two reasons why the All-star game should from now on always end in a tie. One, it’s a good way to keep the American and National Leagues from getting their feelings hurt, and two, it helps keep new Cincinnati Reds manager Pete Rose from putting down a $50 bet on the game.
• The over-inflated nature of sports salaries goes completely over the edge when teams begin competing for and negotiating with not only players and coaches, but support staff, as well.
The Yankees sign a young, left-handed Japanese hot dog vendor to a $3.7 million deal, while on the other end of the spectrum Green Bay asks Brett Favre to take a pay cut so they’ll have salary cap room to bring in a pair of rookie janitors.
• Sterling Marlin’s crew chief causes controversy around the NASCAR circuit with some radical design changes on the Coors Light Dodge.
With a specially-designed harness, Marlin — who was punished for getting out of his car at the Daytona 500 — is able to hit the track with one of his mechanics strapped to the hood, just in case there’s a need for some emergency body work during a race.
• The Olympic figure skating controversy, which resulted in two teams both being awarded the gold medal at Salt Lake City, continues to unfold. Tales of mobsters influencing judges are unearthed time and again, and the whole case grows so large it makes it all the way to the Supreme Court.
It’s thrown out, however, when the nine justices realize that all this controversy is over figure skating.
• Elsewhere on the ice, the Nashville Predators will once again try to bribe their fans into attending games.
In the spirit of their Playoff Pledge season-ticket price hike, team management decides to raise their concession stand prices heading into the new season.
But fans are assured if the team doesn’t make the playoffs, the team will send each season ticket holder a extra large bag of popcorn and an order of nachos at no additional charge.
• And finally…
Making medical history late in the year, a team of doctors finds a way to cure Ted Williams, and brings him out of his frozen state.
Once he’s up and around, Williams smacks both of his kids in the back of the head for being such trouble-makers about what to do with his body.
The “Splendid Splinter” then gives the back of his hand to Bud Selig for letting the All-star game end in a tie, and hops a plane to Vegas to spend New Year’s with Pete Rose.