Dear Prudence: How to get rid of unwanted house pests
Prudie: I am getting married to a really great guy. Everything with him and the wedding planning is going wonderfully. However, when it comes to the topic of post-wedding housing, we are having a bit of a problem. A friend of his thinks that our union is a free pass to “getting out on his own.” He thinks that when we buy a house, he is going to live with us.
It’s not that I don’t like his friend, but when we get married, I really don’t want roommates. I have expressed concern to my future husband about this, and he agrees with me that the thing to do is to live together, just the two of us. However, any time his friend brings it up, my guy just kind of smiles and nods.
I would really like to tell his friend that his idea of rooming with us is just not going to happen, but I don’t want to come off as a snob. How can I get rid of this unwanted house pest?
— Three’s a Crowd
Dear Three: Who gave this guy the idea that the three of you were getting married? It is quite odd that this friend decided he would begin married life with his buddy. You will not sound snobbish (or in any way disagreeable) if you — actually, better your fiance — spell out that you don’t know how he got such an idea but, like most other newlyweds, you are beginning married life with only each other as roommates. Sheeesh.
Perhaps a nice touch to this upcoming conversation would be an invitation to the very first dinner party in your new dwelling.
— Prudie, bilaterally
Dear Prudence: I live in San Diego and work for the Navy as a civilian. In my office there are many nationalities — this being a national border town as well as a large city. My problem is this: There is a large group of Filipinos working in the office. They constantly talk together in their native language in their cubicles, the hallway, work stations, and around customers and employees who don’t speak Tagalog. I find it rude. Do you have any suggestions? I even wonder if there is a law about this in federal buildings — that is, speaking English only.
— Loyal Reader
Dear Loy: The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has a regulation addressing “English only” rules in the workplace, which would apply to federal employees as well as private employers. Although the regulation gives employers room to require that only English be spoken in particular situations — where justified by business necessity — it looks askance at workplace policies that require employees to speak English at all times.
One sentence of the regulation states, “The primary language of an individual is often an essential national origin characteristic.” It would be perfectly proper to inform any of this group that when speaking to members of the public, or at office meetings, they must speak English. However, conversing amongst themselves in a cubicle or at the water cooler has nothing to do with you.
Prudie suggests you cool your jets on what has clearly become an annoyance. Try to imagine if you and some English-speaking buddies were in a country where another language predominated.
— Prudie, dalawa ang bibig
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Dear Prudence is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.