Silly stories flood Tennessee in 2006
With a song in my heart and a tear in my eye, I prepare to give 2006 a kiss goodbye. I haven?t decided if it will be a long, emotional kiss, but it will be a kiss nonetheless.
The start of a new year always means two things: 1) it?s time to make resolutions that will never be kept, and 2) it?s time to reflect on the past year.
Since I have a policy that forbids me from making resolutions, I have no choice but to offer a bit of reflection. In terms of rankings, I place 2006 as the eighth best year of my 36 years on earth. It?s sandwiched between 2003 and 1981 in my book.
The final days of December are also a fitting time to poke fun of all the amusing stories that took place during the past year. Here in Warren County, we never have to look far.
McMinnville Police Department pledged to prosecute, to the fullest extent of the law, the people responsible for pouring bubbles in the downtown fountain.
The city successfully exiled hotdog carts from downtown.
The teacher?s union rejected a $2,500 pay raise package for entry-level teachers that came with the stipulation all teachers submit to random drug testing. I wonder if the two are somehow connected.
But Warren County is not unique when it comes to off-the-wall stories. Just look at the rest of the state:
? In Knoxville, Bethany Morgan got a surprise when she called an insurer to order new prescription cards for TennCare. She got a sex line instead.
It?s a good thing she was in fairly decent health. Had she been in really bad shape, that sex line talk might have just given her poor heart more than it could take.
Turns out, the insurer had published an incorrect number. I figure an ad rep must have inadvertently looked up the wrong number on speed dial.
? Earlier this month, Lake County earned the dubious distinction as the unhealthiest county in Tennessee. Ouch!
When The Associated Press called the director of the county?s public health department for a comment, she was unavailable. Can you guess why? She was out sick.
? In Clarksville, police answered a complaint call about a man holding a Bible and firing a 9mm pistol. The two don?t usually go together.
Officers quoted the man as saying he didn?t intend to hurt anyone. However, he didn?t think anyone was listening to his Bible verses. He believed shooting the pistol was the only way to get people to stop and listen.
Hmmm, this is just a thought but maybe more folks would stop if the guy holding the Bible wasn?t also holding a handgun. For the record, Jackson was charged with illegally carrying a deadly weapon and reckless endangerment.
??In rural Sweetwater, the popular flea market was included on a national database as a possible terrorist target. Yes folks, it?s another example of our tax dollars hard at work.
I?m sure the folks in Saudi Arabia who are financing terrorist activity have long plotted to rid the world of second-hand, flea-market merchandise. The flea market operators kept their sense of humor about it, posting a sign on the office door reading ?Terrorists must sign in.?
? And finally there are the words of actress Pamela Anderson who was asked how she was dealing with her nerves as her wedding approached to part-time Nashville resident Kid Rock. She replied, ?I have two words for you ? champagne.?
We all know Anderson has had the benefit of several implants. Apparently someone needs to implant a little more brain tissue.
James Clark is editor of the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].