We?re criticized for large family
Dear Margo: My problem is probably not the biggest one in your in-box, but I am hoping you can help. My husband and I are in our mid-20s and expecting our fifth child in a few months. Both our age and the size of our family elicit constant comments.
Complete strangers, thinking they are funny, ask if we realize how it happens so we can avoid it in the future. Or they’ll ask if we think we might be “done.” I have been scolded for not using birth control in the grocery store checkout line, told I was selfish and irresponsible, and even once asked by someone at a restaurant how we could afford to feed so many children!
Last time I took all the kids to get new shoes, the checkout girl suggested one of us get “fixed”! Most people don’t stop after their initial comments either; they want to know about my husband’s profession, our house, our car, our ages (since apparently we both look like babies ourselves), you name it.
We are young and successful and have made a conscious decision to have a large family because that is what we want. Why do people think this is any of their business? What can I say to these people to make them go away? — My Family Is Just the Way I Like It!
Dear My: It is remarkable that some people (and strangers, no less) think whatever they wish to know is their business. I am a firm believer in putting people in their places when they’ve overstepped the bounds of propriety. I also believe that every question does not warrant an answer.
Your situation reminds me when, years ago, food shopping in California, I was wearing a joke T-shirt that said, “Nuke the gay whales.” I was stunned when people actually came up to me and started to pick fights about my being pro-nuclear, homophobic or against marine mammals!
All I could think of to say to these morons was, “It’s a JOKE.” This answer will not work for you, however, but the point is: Do not worry about being pleasant. However you want to close them down is just fine. Even, “I really think the whole subject is none of your business.” — Margo, huffily
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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.