Team USA?s going, going, …Ghana

Are you sitting down?

If you have anything sharp in your hand, please put it down. If you?re on an upstairs floor of the building you?re currently in, go down the ground floor, or at least get away from the window.

All right, everybody safe? Everyone comfortable? Good, because I have some devastating news.

The United States has been eliminated from the World Cup.

I know, I know. It?s awful. Go ahead, let those tears flow. It?s not healthy to keep those emotions bottled up. I?ll wait while you pull yourself together.

Go ahead, get yourself a tissue.

Have you calmed down? OK, we?ll continue.

Now, listen. I know you feel like you can?t go on. I know you?ve had to have your belt and shoelaces taken away. But this is not ? I repeat, not ? the end of the world.

There will be a sunrise tomorrow. One day the clouds will part, and the birds will sing once again. One day you will smile again, no matter how much it might feel like you won?t.

In fact, one day, we might look at the day the Americans? Cup run ended, and recall how it seemed disheartening at the time, but ultimately made us stronger as a nation.

Not today. Of course not today. But one day, maybe, that?s what we?ll think.

Of course, coming in as the fifth-ranked team in the world, Team USA had high expectations. But it was their own misfortune that they ran into a buzzsaw Thursday, facing that perennial powerhouse, Ghana.

Wait a minute. Ghana? GHANA? Quick, run to a globe. Find Ghana.

Took you a while, didn?t it?

But yes, it was the Ghanans, or Ghananians, or Ghananites ? whatever they?re called ? who sent the U.S. packing in the first round with a 2-1 loss. It was ?futbol? legends Haminu Draman and Stephen Appiah who scored the goals which ended America?s dreams. And it was a controversial penalty kick given to Appiah which will be the talk of American dinner tables for months, if not years, to come.

?The worst part is the finality of it,? U.S. midfielder Landon Donovan said after Thursday?s loss. ?Even during the game, you don?t get the sense this is it. Then the whistle blows and it?s over.?

It?s over. How true. How sad, but how true.

So how do we go on, you ask? How do we get by, with most of the rest of the world still cheering their nation?s champions on as they work their way toward a potential World Cup championship? What are we supposed to do, sit around with the Czech Republic, talking about what might have been?

No, America. We?re not going to sit back and just take this. We?re going to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and began preparations for the next trip we take to the World Cup.

That?s right, next year we?ll be back, and working harder than ever. We?ll take this loss and learn from it, and come into next summer?s Cup tournament ready to play.

What?s that? Excuse me? World Cup only comes around every four years, you say? Well what will we do until then to make us feel better?

I know! Let?s invade Ghana!