Caring for elderly is full-time job
Dear Annie: My 91-year-old grandfather wants to live in the nursing home where my sister works. He was in the home briefly once before, and liked it very much. Grandpa has Parkinson’s and needs regular care. The problem is, my aunt doesn’t think Grandpa can afford to live in the nursing home.
When “Aunt May” took Grandpa out of the home last time, my brother told her he could no longer be responsible for Grandpa during the late night hours (he’s been doing it for five years), and that Aunt May would have to take that shift.
The first few nights were not too bad, but then Grandpa began to call at all hours, so Aunt May unplugged her phone. When he couldn’t reach her, Grandpa pushed his Lifeline button. The sheriff arrived at 4 a.m., and Grandpa told him he was fine, he just needed a glass of water that he couldn’t reach and was worried that his daughter was not answering her phone. The sheriff headed over to Aunt May’s house and told her not to unplug her phone again.
Aunt May’s solution was to move Grandpa’s phone out of his reach and take away his Lifeline button. A few weeks ago, the home health provider rushed over to my brother’s house because Grandpa had fallen. Since he could reach neither the phone nor the Lifeline button, he lay on the floor for nearly five hours.
I hate the way Aunt May is treating Grandpa, but she has control over his money and is determined to keep him at home. I don’t understand why. Whose money is she trying to save? — Worried Granddaughter
Dear Granddaughter: She may be trying to save her inheritance. Or, she may truly believe that Grandpa is better off at home, which might be true if he had adequate, round-the-clock care.
Preventing Grandpa from calling for assistance is a form of elder abuse. Does Aunt May have siblings or friends who have influence over her and whom you can enlist to help? You also can call the Eldercare Locator in your area (eldercare.gov) at 1-800-677-1116, and find out what resources are available for Grandpa. Don’t wait.
Dear Annie: Today I had a tooth repaired by my dentist. The procedure was somewhat painful, although he prepped me well enough with painkillers. As I sat there thinking, “Why does this have to hurt so much?” I realized if I had taken better care of my teeth, I wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s not the dentist’s fault that my teeth are bad — it’s mine.
I vowed right then to practice good oral hygiene, no matter how long it takes to brush and floss. For years, I was just too lazy to do it. I have paid out thousands of dollars on my teeth when proper dental care would have done the trick. Infected teeth can lead to other problems in your body, including blood and heart problems. I hope this wakes up the sleepers who ignore their teeth. — Feel Better Now
Dear Feel Better: We hope so, too, but for some people, the phobias are greater than the rewards. Thanks for trying to alert them.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Working Hard in Ottawa,” whose co-worker wasn’t carrying her weight, asked lots of questions and expected “Working” to cover for her. Your advice was sound, but you missed the most important step — documentation.
Without an appropriate paper trail, her complaints are nothing but hearsay. When the co-worker asks a question, she should answer in a short e-mail, rephrasing the question first. If the co-worker misses a deadline, she should document it. It’s up to her if and when to share the condemning information, but at least she will have it. — Been There, Got the T-Shirt in Louisville, Ky.
Dear Louisville: You are absolutely right — documentation is very important for both credibility and evidence. Thank you for reminding us.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.