At age 39, I feel like a big loser

Dear Margo: I am 39 years old and horribly single. I’ve had a lot of bad luck meeting the wrong guys. They are either married or have a girlfriend or just looking to get laid.

I admit to being in a rut just going to work and coming home, with an occasional family visit or an errand. I also don’t have any friends. I am not a freak or an unpleasant person to be around. I just don’t know how to make friends or get close to anyone. I have been hurt both by friends and guys.

To make matters worse, I need to lose weight. I’m not an orca or anything like that, but I’m a little overweight. I have researched different ways to meet people, and I am in tune with the fact that I am deficient in the confidence area.

Plus, I just had to put my 18-year-old cat down recently. It is like something is holding me back. I feel lost and can’t seem to pull out. Please help. — Deb

Dear Deb: There’s an old gambler’s saying: When the dice are cold, they’re all cold. Nothing is working right in your life now, down to losing your dear cat. When you mention a lack of confidence, many “wrong guys” and feeling lost, that suggests some sessions with a good therapist might let you discover and resolve the things that are holding you back.

I do not know to what degree your weight is a problem — to you, but dealing with that would be a good, proactive start. I do think exploring your difficulties with a trained professional would provide useful answers. Good luck. — Margo, searchingly