Adoptive parents don’t need to tell all

Dear Margo: My husband’s extended family includes some (marvelous) adopted children and some (poorly brought up) stepchildren ‘ now grown, with kids of their own. Frankly, Hubby’s family is generally awful, but it’s their behavior regarding these children that bothers me most.

As a strange way of bragging or seeking praise for “rescuing” the children, this family broadcasts every negative detail of the adopted kids’ birth families. I do not want to know such things, nor do I have a right to. In the same way, I have learned far too much about just how screwed up the acquired stepchildren are. (This is blamed entirely on the evil ex-wife, even though the parents shared custody.)

A professional contact of mine recently filled me in on every sordid detail of his new stepchildren’s “crazy” father’s family. And then he told me how he was going to be those children’s salvation. Such ego, such an invasion of privacy for those children. Why would anyone so damage a child’s image in order to flatter themselves?

‘ Love the Kids and, Please, Shut Up Already

Dear Love: These people sound like they have messiah complexes and big mouths. It is not very smart to retell this kind of information. As for your own extended family, the next time the litany starts, say that the old stuff is not helpful to anyone, and better to concentrate on the here and now.

Do not imagine that you can “retrain” these self-aggrandizers, but you can let them know you are an unwilling audience.

‘ Margo, instructively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.