Robservations – Always time for a joke break

Steroid rumors. Dogfighting allegations. Strip club scuffles. Referees rigging games.

There’s not much to smile about in the sports world anymore.

But we’re taking a break from that stuff today, sports fans! Today, as a service to you, the diehard ‘Robservations’ reader who has a belly full of reading about criminal athletes and the way they’re ruining the games they play, we’re going to sit around and tell some jokes.

That’s right. Today’s column is dedicated to sports jokes, and they’re all clean enough to tell the preacher.

Why, you ask? Two reasons. One, everbody can use a laugh now and then. And two, it’s a heck of an easy way to fill up a column.

Gather around, and make sure you’re not taking a big drink of milk, because here we go:

‘ A MESSY DIVORCE: A couple in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child. In order to make a fair decision over the boy’s future, the judge takes Johnny into his private chambers so that he can find out which of the parents the boy would prefer to live with.

‘Well, Johnny’ says the judge, ‘Would you like to live with your Mother’?

‘No’ replied Johnny, ‘she hits me all the time.’

‘Well then,’ the judge continues, ‘Would you like to live your your Father’?

‘No’ replied Johnny again, ‘He hits me all the time too!’

The judge looks exasperated and says to the boy ‘Well Johnny, who would you like to live with’?

‘I’d like to live with the Vanderbilt football team,’ the boy replied quickly.

‘Why on earth would you want to live with the Vandy football team’? replied the now extremely puzzled judge.

‘Well,’ replied Johnny, ‘They never beat anyone.’

‘ RESPECT: A foursome was enjoying their regular Wednesday-afternoon round on the golf course, when they noticed a funeral procession heading down the highway.

While three of the players continued about their business, preparing to tee off, the fourth member faces the road, removes his cap and bows his head reverently until the entire procession passes by.

‘Wow, that was an awfully nice gesture,’ says one of his playing partners.

‘Well, I figured it was the least I could do,’ comes the reply. ‘After all, I was married to her for 40 years.’

‘ NEW TO THE GAME: A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

‘I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,’ she said.

‘What do you mean’? he asked.

‘Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’

‘ THE ROOKIE: Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. ‘So, how did you do son’? he asked.

‘You’ll never believe it!’ Billy said. ‘I was responsible for the winning run!’

‘Really? How’d you do that’?

‘I dropped the ball.’

Well, that’s my time. You’ve been a wonderful audience. See you next week when we get back to more ‘serious’ business… maybe.