Annie?s Mailbox – Widow pushing deceased ashes on friend appalling

Dear Annie: The husband of one of my best friends recently passed away. “Arlene” asked if I would like some of his ashes. I explained to her that I find the thought of having someone’s ashes in my home not only a bit gruesome, but a constant sorrowful reminder of that person.

Well, she sent them to me, anyway.

Luckily, she sent them to my office, which is where they remain, because I don’t want them in my house. The package is still sitting, unopened, in the bottom drawer of one of my file cabinets. I again told Arlene that I’m not comfortable with his remains, and she said I need to “get over it.”

I’m going on a cruise in the near future and thought I might scatter the ashes at sea (which was actually the deceased’s request), but if I tell Arlene, she’ll be insulted and upset. She wants me to HAVE them and KEEP them!

Do you have any suggestions as to how I might “dispose” of this issue? ? New York

Dear N.Y.: Arlene is being selfish to insist that you cherish these ashes as much as she does, and you are under no obligation to do so. Tell Arlene you are going to honor her husband’s wishes and scatter his ashes at sea. If she becomes upset, let her know the alternative is to return the ashes to her. Period.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.