Singing thermometers and ear wax jelly beans

It’s not Thanksgiving but Business Pulse readers can prepare for a feast ‘ a feast of business news. If you only read one Business Pulse column a year (and what’s the fun of only reading one?), this should be that column.

Today’s installment could very well be my ‘Adventures of Tom Sawyer.’ It could be my ‘Sergeant Pepper.’ It could be my downtown renovation project (without that stamped concrete that’s so aggravating to drive over).

But naturally before I bring you all the business news of the day, I have to make some attempt at humor. I don’t have to try too hard with companies like Jelly Belly and its revolutionary new product called BeanBoozled jelly beans.

You can forget about your traditional flavors when you buy BeanBoozled. Among the unique surprises are the following flavors: ear wax, pencil shaving, toothpaste, rotten egg, black pepper, vomit, and baby wipe.

I’ve tried some interesting food choices in my life (and no I didn’t eat the sushi at the new Chinese restaurant), but you can forget about me eating a jelly bean that tastes like a baby wipe. And that’s not to suggest I would gladly eat a vomit flavored jelly bean either. I think most people would steer clear of such flavors, otherwise you’d have folks eating out of the commode.

As for today’s other odd, strange and curious story, it comes to us from the merchandising department at Nickelodeon, the TV station geared toward kids. As some of you may know, Nickelodeon is the station which airs the popular show featuring SpongeBob SquarePants. Kids just love SpongeBob, including my two boys.

So the braintrust at Nickelodean is hoping to make a difficult time, that of having to take a young child’s temperature where the sun doesn’t shine, and turn it into a more joyous occasion. The way to accomplish this, they figured, is with the all new SpongeBob Musical Rectal Thermometer.

I’m not sure if you can say rectal thermometer in the newspaper. If you can’t, I offer my sincere apologies.

In case you’re wondering, the thermometer plays the SpongeBob theme song while you’re taking the child’s temperature. This is supposed to make it all better.

I really wonder what this product designer was thinking. Here you have a sick child who could very likely have a high fever. The child is probably cranky because he or she feels bad. And that child is about to have something stuck in a place where they don’t want it. Is a little jingle really going to help? I think not.