We have yet to consummate our marriage

Dear Margo: My wife and I were married last June. We have yet to consummate the marriage. She is very reluctant to have physical contact of any kind with me. This reluctance does not extend to her three dogs, to whom she is very attentive.

I am a fairly romantic guy, but all my attempts to connect have been rebuffed. Additionally, we purchased a house together, but none of my suggestions for decorating are acceptable to her. Patience is nearing the breaking point. Suggestions? — CJB

Dear C.: My dear, it’s been one year in which you and your wife have lived like brother and sister — and not very sociable ones, at that. Your, uh, situation makes me wonder what the courtship was like. You apparently failed to pick up on some clues during that time.

Any woman who marries a man, wants nothing to do with him, shows affection to her dogs, instead, and rejects his suggestions for the house they’ve bought together is not, as they say, a keeper.

You might suggest couples counseling to find out what’s going on (or why nothing is going on), but I think an annulment is most likely the answer. This is no marriage, and who needs another year of this? Good luck. — Margo, rapidly

Dear Margo: Even though I am young (23), my life has been riddled with many female health issues. At the end of last year, a woman, “Friend X,” suggested I go to her ob-gyn. I got an appointment, and a week later the doctor did a hysterectomy.

While the surgery cured my “female trouble,” my experience with this doctor has caused me much heartache and other health issues. My time in the hospital can only be described as hellish. The doctor wouldn’t return my phone calls or explain to me why I was having so many problems, She didn’t even see me post-op. I let all of this go.

Now, seven months later, I just found out that, due to the doctor’s blunders, I must have corrective surgery. I am ill and on mandatory bed rest. This is where my problem lies. Friend X is angry with me, because I won’t go back to her doctor to have the corrective operation. (I think the doctor already did enough damage; I’m not giving her the opportunity to do more.)

I tried to be rational with Friend X about this. I even suggested that we not discuss the topic. She agreed, but then proclaimed, “My doctor is the best surgeon in the state and you don’t even care!”

Why is she taking this so personally? This has nothing to do with her. What do you suggest I do? I don’t want to cut her out of my life, but I feel that I am being punished because I am sick. Have I done something wrong? — Sick of Surgery

Dear Sick: Have you ever noticed how many people, when speaking of their doctors, will say, “He, or she, is the best (insert specialty) in the country”? This may be because people need the armor of believing their doc is “the best” because so much is riding on it.

That’s the reason your friend is taking it personally; she is defensive because it was her doctor . . . and it’s easier to get mad at you than consider the possibility that her doctor made a medical mistake.

It is my judgment that a “friend” like this you do not need. As for what you did wrong, the answer is nothing. Considering your young age, however, you might have gotten a second opinion. — Margo, superlatively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.