Dear Prudence: Mother-in-law needs to mind own business
Dear Prudie: I’m at my wits’ end. For starters, my mother-in-law isn’t the greatest mother to my husband, unless there is something going wrong in our relationship. She sticks her nose in where it does not belong and fills his head with the most addlebrained advice about how to relate to the kids and me.
First, she tells him to move back home with her. (She lives in Germany!) Second, she was never there for him growing up but wants to make up for it now that he’s in his 30s. She talks about how he needs to leave me, make a better life for himself and forget about his family. He has the attitude that she’s always right and that I’m the one to blame for all his shortcomings.
I wish he would just tell her to mind her own business, but he seems unable to stand up for himself when it comes to her. I know that family comes first, but I think we should be the family that comes first! — Ready To Pull My Hair Out!
Dear Read: Actually, it sounds like you’re ready to pull your mother-in-law’s hair out, and who can blame you? This is an awful situation. In something akin to Stockholm syndrome, it is not unusual for a kid who has suffered neglect to cleave to that parent when he or she finally decides to pay some attention. It is nothing less than outrageous that your m-i-l is counseling her son to leave you and his children.
What you need to do is call his bluff and make an appointment with a couples counselor. In any case, you have to get this sorted out. — Prudie, immediately
Dear Prudence: I have a bit of a problem. Well, more than a bit. Last June, my boyfriend of two years and I separated. OK, he dumped me. I’m 20 years old, in a great college, but I can’t seem to get over this.
We had made all kinds of plans — where we would live, our children’s names, our dogs’ names, everything. The only explanation he gave me was that he’d heard rumors about my supposed infidelity from mutual friends, and the rumors changed his feelings about me. Well, I was crushed, simply devastated.
A few months went by, and he started calling again, and for about a month it was like old times. Then he stopped talking to me and started dating other people. He says he still has feelings for me, but that our not being together is for the best. It sounds to me like he’s keeping me on the back burner just in case he can’t find anything better.
It is hard to let go because I’m still in love with him. I just feel like I’m never going to be able to get over it and move on. Am I destined to be a 50-year-old bitter woman pining for her lost love? — Lost
Dear Lost: Hard to believe, but when you’re 50, you might not even remember this chap’s name. Despite the way you’re feeling now, you are just at the beginning of your romantic life.
Prudie has a mechanistic suggestion for you: Harness some underlying anger to break the bond with this man. If you feel no anger, you should. Anybody whose relationship can be turned on its head because of rumors shows a complete lack of trust in you, not to mention commitment, and that should make you furious.
Next time he calls — if he calls — tell him you agree that not being together is for the best. That ought to settle his hash. And you will feel soooo much better. — Prudie, knowledgeably
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Dear Prudence is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearprudence@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.