What’s the Word: Getting lost the high-tech way
The speed at which technology evolves these days is well-known to us all. Modern automobiles, for instance, are so far removed from the first machines that came off Ford’s assembly lines that only the basic layout of four wheels on the ground and a steering wheel inside connects them.
Today, some cars are rolling entertainment centers, with DVD players and video screens, stereos that would fill my current living room with sound, and fancy programmable CD players. All of this comes with, can you believe it, a remote control. Well, I can believe it. Heaven forbid we lean over to change the station or access the DVD special features.
Of course, the potential for hopelessly losing that particular remote astounds me.
“Um, gee, last time I saw it was at Daytona Beach dad.”
It would probably be hard to tell if dad was sunburned or ready to blow a gasket at this point.
Even more amazing, and a little creepy if you ask me, is how the automobile is becoming more connected to those little hunks of technology hovering in the sky above us. If one has been the OnStar commercials, you already know how locking your keys in the car isn’t half the hassle it used to be. Now you can get your locks popped via satellite. All you have to do is give some guy, or girl, at the car company a call and you’re in. Pretty cool. I guess. Somehow makes me kind of nervous though. Have to wonder what else that anonymous button pusher trapped in some cramped cubicle could make your car do if they got aggravated.
Not that I drive one of those paragons of automotive technology, you understand. I’m still back in the wire-coathanger age of locked car entry.
Another aspect of this technology is satellite radio. Can you imagine how tickled some corporate honcho was when they finally figured out how they can charge us an exorbitant monthly fee for a service we use in our cars? Well, other than our cell phones anyway. And how long before we get satellite TV in our vehicles? Here’s hoping the driver won’t be able to watch. If you think a revealing photo of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos caused a furor on the front page of the paper, imagine what might happen if the guy at the wheel catches a glimpse of the actress in the role of Mystique in the X-Men movies. I shudder to think. And so should anyone in the vicinity of the car he happens to be driving.
Of course, this kind of thing is already causing problems as even racier types of movies have been making unwanted appearances on car video screens to carloads of shocked moms and kids at traffic lights around the country. Whose idea was it to take this kind of thing on the road anyway? Kind of makes you nostalgic for the lovers lane thing. At least those folks had the decency to limit their activities to some dark and secluded back road.
But one bit of automotive technology I am 100 percent in favor of is the satellite guidance systems that are coming out on some cars. Any hapless wife who has struggled with an overconfident husband who winds up getting himself, and the family, totally lost on a vacation trip, and who absolutely refuses to ask for directions, must consider this innovation a major boon.
Of course, the technologically challenged spouse, who can’t figure out how to use the thing, and refuses to admit that too, may wind up generating some pretty familiar conversations.
“Okay honey, you’re right, we’re lost. But at least, thanks to my handy-dandy satellite positioning equipment, I know exactly where it is we’re lost at.”
Oh joy, says mom. Or maybe not.
Charlie Johnson is news editor of the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].