Relax, don’t stress too much about not finding a boyfriend
Dear Margo: I’m a 24-year-old female, newly graduated from college and living the first “real” year of my life in the big city. I’ve always been one who marches to her own drum, but this has caused me problems: I’ve never had a boyfriend!
There have been flings here and there, but I usually end up running for the hills or self-sabotaging potential relationships. As far as I know, I’m attractive and smart and fun, but few men I express interest in go for me. I’ve been told several times I come off as taken, although I don’t try to act that way at all.
I’m constantly quizzed by friends, and there is family pressure to date, especially since both my sisters were man magnets (so I look like the family freak). I even had to resort to making up a boyfriend so my mom would quit asking me if I’d met any new guys.
Perhaps I’m too picky? I’m OK for now with being single but bothered by all the pressure around me to find someone. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll grow into a lonely spinster. I’d rather just pick at random and settle than have to deal with people judging me. What do I do? ‘ Forever Single?
Dear For: This is what New York Daily News gossip columnist Ben Widdicombe calls “kvetch-22.” You want a boyfriend; your mother wants you to have a boyfriend. Unfortunately, he won’t appear because your mother wants him to. I doubt that you can retrain your mother (she is probably wishing the best for you), but you can tune her out.
These things happen when they happen, and there’s an old saying that fate helps the situation along when one stops looking. Ignore the pressure, and for Pete’s sake, don’t settle. As for being a “spinster” (do people still use that word?) that wouldn’t become a reality for another 30 years.
‘ Margo, patiently
Dear Margo: I met this guy about six months ago, and we instantly became friends and had a really strong connection. We talk on the phone for hours, go out every once in a while, and consider each other best friends. What helped us bond was the fact that we both went through a really hard breakup.
One night we went out to the movies, and since we got back so late (and he lives farther away), I told him he could stay over. We were talking and laughing and joking until one thing led to another and we started kissing, which of course led to “other things.”
Before things got physical, we asked each other, “Well, where is this going to put us? Will things change and be different?” We agreed to keep things the same, but ever since “that night” . . . well, “that night” has been repeating itself, and we’re still best friends.
It’s the strangest relationship I’ve ever experienced. My problem now is that I think I love him, but I have no idea how to tell him! He’s an amazing guy, and I can see us together, but could I potentially damage our friendship? ‘ Desperate in New York
Dear Des: You remind me of one of my mother’s famous sayings: Love is friendship that catches fire. What could be better? I am always amazed when a man and a woman get along really well and they say, “But we’re just friends.” Granted, chemistry is necessary, but that’s often easier to come by than the friendship part.
As for any declarations of love, there’s no hurry. As they say in shooting craps, play it as it lays.
‘ Margo, fatefully