Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t feel so good

Dear Margo: I have a brother, “Nick,” who recently announced his engagement. He boasts to everyone how much he loves this girl and that she’s the love of his life.

My problem is that I was on a singles site and saw his ad looking for intimate encounters with willing females.

I confronted my brother about what I discovered and he apologized, saying he would delete the account ‘ which he did. The problem, however, is three months later I came across him again on the same site.

Margo, our dad was unfaithful to our mother throughout their whole marriage, so I gave my brother an ultimatum: If he didn’t come clean to his fiancee himself, then I would, because I didn’t want her to get hurt like my mother. I unfortunately had to go with the latter.

She, of course, forwarded my e-mail and he denied everything. Then he told me he couldn’t believe what I had done. My current spot is a hard one because he has made me out to look like a liar and blames me for trying to break up their relationship.

He has not spoken to me since and they have both blocked my e-mails. I feel that if she is too naive to accept what is going on then at least I tried to warn her. My friends have said I did the right thing, and I tend to agree, but why do I feel I made the wrong decision? ‘ Doing What I Thought Was Right

Dear Do: You feel you made the wrong decision because you paid a price for your actions. It has to be painful to know your brother thinks you double-crossed him. I agree with your friends, however. You took a principled stand born of painful, personal history. Your motive was not to harm your brother but to protect the young woman.

I predict that at some point Romeo will be found out (perhaps even on the same dating site!) and you will be free of the bad-guy label. Try to take comfort in the fact that sometimes doing the right thing is not without cost. ‘ Margo, corroboratively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.