Dear Margo – Get out of marriage while can

Dear Margo: I have been married for 13 years. This is my second marriage. I have one son from my previous marriage and two daughters from this marriage. My first marriage dissolved because of mental and physical abuse. I feel that my second marriage is on the same track.

I don’t know if it is all in my head. My husband tells me how immature I am and to grow up. Today, he informed me that he and my daughters are sick of me. He also said he is ready to ship me out, and the sooner the better.

Often I have to defend myself if one of my daughters (10 and 11) tells him something I said or did. My oldest daughter tells me, “Wait ’til Dad hears about this,” when she is asked to do something simple like water the plants.

Seeking counseling would be one-sided, because I am the one with all of the problems. If you were me, what would you do? ‘ Trying to Keep My Head Above Water

Dear Try: I am blinking in disbelief. How awful that your husband has convinced you that you’re the one with the problems and to tell you he and the children are sick of you.

There is something radically wrong with a man who deliberately belittles and undermines his children’s mother and works at diminishing her authority to the point where the kid is saying, “Wait ’til Dad gets home!”

He has made it his business to gain control of the girls, and I frankly don’t know what would happen if you were to leave, relative to taking the children with you.

I do not mean to be pessimistic, but I think your husband is a lost cause, and the people who could really use therapy are your kids. Get a lawyer, my dear. I fear you’re going to need one. ‘ Margo, regretfully

Dear Margo: In many ways, I’m a typical 20-year-old male.

I play massive amounts of video games, I do stupid things with my friends, and I attempt to hold down a full-time job without doing the aforementioned stupid things often enough to get me fired.

However, there’s one small difference between me and most other young adults. About five years ago, I lost someone very important to suicide. He helped me through some rough times, and the last thing he told me was to continue helping people.

Since then, I’ve become something of a wandering spouter of advice ‘ a bit like you, only without a column. Yet I’ve become well-known among my friends, family and complete strangers for always being able to offer a useful nugget of wisdom to help them through the day.

My question, from one dispenser of advice to another, is this: How can I balance my desire to help others with my desire to improve my current situation in life? ‘ Imbalanced in ‘Bama

Dear Im: The difference between us, aside from the column, is that I have a settled life and am 113; you are young and still building a future.

Acknowledging that difference, what I would pass on to you from my experience is that it does not take a lot of time to come up with a solution for a friend ‘ or in my case, a reader ‘ if you instinctively know what should be done.

If you are spending your time looking for people to help, that’s what could be taking up too much of your time. Concentrating on your own life should in no way limit your helpfulness to friends. ‘ Margo, advisedly