Friendship may not be rekindled
Dear Margo: In college, I was friends with a girl who was more wild and crazy than the rest of us. After college, she moved out of state and we lost touch. Four years later, I found out she was in prison for a nonviolent crime.
I liked this girl as a friend, and although she had done something wrong, I felt bad for her. I began writing her without thinking of the post-prison consequences, and we stayed in touch for a few months.
On the advice of friends who were also friends with her, I stopped writing because I got worried that I was putting myself in a position I wouldn’t want to be in once she was released. Well, my friends were right. I was the first person she called when she got out and moved back to our area.
However, at 32, my friends and I are different now and have too much to lose should we unknowingly get mixed up in one of her scams. Her boyfriend has also served prison time (he is a violent offender and currently on parole).
After my first conversation with her, I avoided her calls. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has driven by my house. I also learned, in the single conversation we had, that she lied about her living arrangements.
I don’t know how to handle this. Should I just tell her I am not comfortable with being her friend, or do I continue ignoring her calls? Of course, avoidance is the easiest route, but I’m not sure if it’s the best. — Avoiding the Jailbird
Dear Avoid: In this case, the path of least resistance just puts off the inevitable. You need to have a conversation with her. There are times when resuming a friendship after a prison term is the right thing to do.
In this case, however, the boyfriend and the dishonesty about details indicate that your impulse to lop off the friendship is right. When you do speak, tell her you wish her well but you feel unable to pick up where you left off.
And you might add that your feelings are not necessarily based on her having been in the joint. Don’t let her push for further explanations. — Margo, unsuitably