Saints and Sinners: The bride wore blue jeans
I am not a hardliner when it comes to weddings, but I was happy when the traditional marriage service (even the “love, honor and obey” part) came back in vogue after a period of “anything goes” in the marriage service.
In one wedding where I officiated, the couple pledged their troths by saying, “I want you as my wife (husband), lover and friend.”
That “lover” part struck me as a little bit provocative for a religious service, but I suppose there really was nothing wrong with it and I let it go.
When I marry two people, I let them arrange the kind of service they want. If they feel that “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together” is corny, I leave it out.
If they want me to read things from Kahlil Gibran like “let there be spaces in your togetherness,” I will do that too.
As the father of four children, I am not surprised by anything young people choose to do. I must admit, though, that I was startled during one wedding I officiated at. At the rehearsal I asked the bride-to-be what she was going to wear at the wedding.
“I am going to wear white,” she said. I smiled in approval. I was not prepared for her to come down the aisle in a pair of white jeans!
Nowadays, I find that I am often the one to come up with offbeat ideas. When I was joining Cathy and Don in holy matrimony recently I said to them, “The best advice I can give you for a happy marriage is to tell you to say ‘I love you’ to each other often during your married life together.”
Then I said to the congregation of 150, “I’m going to ask those of you who came here this afternoon with your spouses (or a loved one) to turn to her (or him) now, hold her (or his) hand and, while giving it a tender squeeze and looking each other in the eye, say out loud to each other, “I love you.”
They did it. The church echoed with people saying “I love you.” Some people told me later they hadn’t said that to their spouses in years.
I got my idea from watching an old Jack Lemmon movie. Lemmon’s character, who is married in the film, explains why he takes his shirts to Andre’s French Laundry. He says it is because he never has to tell Andre he loves him when he picks up his shirts.
It isn’t enough that love be present in a marriage. It must be spoken. It must be expressed in words as well as in deeds — coupled with a kiss and a loving squeeze of the hand.
While I favor the traditional wedding service, certain changes in the tried-and-true form can be impressive. For instance, I like to read I Corinthians 13, St. Paul’s famous passage on love, from the Living Bible, which substitutes the names of the bride, and groom wherever the word “love” occurs. Thus we get:
“Cathy (Don) is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Cathy (Don) does not demand her (his) own way, is not irritable or touchy, does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do her (him) wrong. If you love someone you will be loyal to him (her) no matter what the cost.”
No matter how much an improvement this may be over the King James Version, there are changes that are more important.
What should really concern us is the fact that we take so lightly the vows we made on our wedding day.
Whether those promises are made in Elizabethan English or in modern slang is really unimportant. It is keeping the promises (“love and honor … till death us do part”) that matters.
George Plagenz is an ordained minister and veteran newsman based in Columbus, Ohio.