Vinson’s Variety: When in doubt, look to the Bible

It’s hard to imagine there exists a direct correlation between the Holy Bible and modern bankruptcy, but a friend recently revealed to me a story suggests such a connection does exist.

One spring day, a minister named Bob ? affably referred to as Reverend Bob by the locals ? was casually strolling through town. From a side alley came staggering out a man drinking a bottle of cheap wine. Dressed in soiled clothes, long, unkempt hair matted against his forehead, the man was a wretched sight, indeed.

Looking closer, Rev. Bob realized he was looking at Frank, mid-40s, who had been a successful businessman and also had attended the church Rev. Bob pastored. In fact, Rev. Bob had performed the wedding ceremony for Frank and his wife, Lydia. However, Rev. Bob also was aware Frank and Lydia had divorced, and Bob hadn’t attended church services in quite some time.

As Frank staggered about, Rev. Bob, gently put his hand on Frank’s shoulder to help steady him. With a tone of concern, Rev. Bob asked, ‘How have you been, Frank? I’ve been missing you at church.”

‘Not good at all,” Frank responded. ‘I’m sure you heard I caught Lydia with another man, and we got a divorce. In the meantime, I’ve turned to drugs, alcohol, and gambling, and, quite frankly, I’ve lost everything and hit rock bottom, flat broke and living in a run-down motel room. If you want to know the actual truth, I am heading over to my room to commit suicide.”

‘That’s exactly what Satan wants,” said Rev. Bob. ‘You can’t allow him to take control of you like this.”

‘Don’t you understand. I don’t care anymore!” Frank shot back.

‘I feel your pain,” Rev. Bob responded, gently placing both hands on Frank’s shoulders and looking him squarely in the eyes. ‘Let me ask you something, Frank.”

‘What?”

‘Do you still have that King James Holy Bible I gave Lydia and you as a wedding gift?”

‘As a matter of fact, I do. It’s in my motel room.”

‘All right, here’s what I want you to do when you get back to your room,” Rev. Bob instructed. ‘Close the Bible and place it front of you. With your eyes closed, ask the Lord to show you the answer to your problems. With your eyes still closed, open the Bible. Then open your eyes and read the first thing you see. Promise me you’ll do this before doing anything drastic.”

‘I promise I’ll do it, Rev. Bob.” With that, the two went their separate ways.

A few months later, on a Saturday afternoon, Rev. Bob and his wife were exiting the local theater, located next door to a posh country club. Up pulled a Rolls Royce. From the passenger side emerged a babe, mid-20s, who could have graced the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. From the driver’s side came a handsome fellow decked out in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, sporting a Rolex watch.

Rev. Bob’s bottom lip dropped: He was looking at Frank and simply could not believe the transformation! ‘We-we-well, Frank,” Rev. Bob excitedly stuttered. ‘How are you doing?”

‘Fantastic,” Frank answered, ‘and I owe it all to you. If you recall, I went back to my motel room to commit suicide. In fact, I had the pistol by my side with the trigger cocked. However, just as I promised you, I closed my Bible, closed my eyes, asked the Lord to show me the answer to my problems, opened the Bible, opened my eyes, and right there in front of me was the answer to all my problems.”

‘What did it say?” Rev. Bob asked.

“Chapter 13,” Frank responded.

Mike Vinson is a Warren County columnist. He can be reached by e-mail at vinsonmike_b_@hotmail.com.