Dear Prudence: Wear wedding ring on either hand
Dear Prudie: The question remained, even at our 14th wedding anniversary celebratory dinner: Why must I, a well-adjusted left-handed person, wear my wedding ring on my left hand?
My wife (a right-handed person, as you might expect) is quite clear and insistent that there is no wiggle room on this, and all my complaints about the ring squishing my middle finger when I write, etc., fall on deaf ears. What is the big taboo about wearing a wedding ring on my right hand?
“Handism” remains an institutionalized bias pooh-poohed by the right-handed supremacists who don’t understand the unfairness in scissors, pay telephones, pneumatic tools, and other daily devices.
You have always — well, almost always — demonstrated a sense of fair play, Prudie. Set my wife on the right path to open-handedness. Please. And no left-handed compliments. — Left in the Lurch
Dear Left: With no effort to curry favor, Prudie feels she can once again earn your fair-play accolade, because she definitely agrees with you. It is almost hard to figure out why your wife is so hidebound about what is customary in the United States, but not Europe and many other countries. Her parochial insistence on this flies in the face of rationality. As they say in the sociology books, she is extremely “other-directed.”
If you are uncomfortable because your ring interferes with some of the things you must do with your left hand, you should be able to eliminate the discomfort. Many workmen in the building trades wear their rings on either hand (or not at all). Yo-Yo Ma wears his on his right hand because it would interfere with his playing if he wore it on the left. Prudie actually finds it distinctive when a man wears a right-hand wedding band.
After 14 years, the time has come for you to stop discussing it and simply put the ring on your other hand. This is clearly a case of common sense trumping an arbitrary tradition. What should be important to your wife is that you act married, not on which finger you wear the ring.
— Prudie, mutinously
Dear Prudence: My question is basic: Are people being raised in barns now, or am I too old-fashioned for the current era? To explain: I have worked for a medium-sized law firm for the last eight years. My father passed away a little over a month ago. We are located in the Southeast (where I thought we were known for our manners), but the only acknowledgment I received from any of the partners of the firm has been a simple interoffice e-mail expressing his condolences for my loss.
Am I wrong for feeling hurt, or am I so out of touch with the modern era that this cold indifference is now acceptable? — Jurassic
Dear Jur: It is not that people are being raised in barns, it is that etiquette has taken a real hit. People who are delinquent in this area are either those who were never taught the right thing to do, or they’ve simply decided they are too busy or that it doesn’t matter. (They are wrong.)
Prudie shares your feelings about writing notes at appropriate times. Lord knows, the recipients never forget who bothered to send a message when there’s a death in the family.
One adjustment Prudie has made, and that you might consider, is that e-mails count. The mode of delivery is different, but the thought is there, along with the effort. In your case, do factor in the possibility that not everyone in your firm may have known of your loss.
— Prudie, understandingly
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Dear Prudence is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.