It’s OK to have a hatchet in your head
My favorite aspect of Halloween is the fact it’s perfectly acceptable to dress up like a monster and scare people half to death. My question is who dreamed up this holiday? And furthermore, how did they ever get anybody else to go along with it?
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the same person who was able to get a holiday for eating chocolate. Just put that chocolate in a red, heart-shaped box and call it Valentine’s Day because nothing says love like extra calories.
What really sets Halloween apart is that it’s the only holiday we celebrate where it’s OK to walk around with a bloody hand that’s been cut off by a chainsaw. On Halloween, there’s no cause for alarm if you have a hatchet stuck in your head.
Halloween also gives us pumpkins, which means there’s naturally going to be a competition to see who can grow the largest one. The world record for biggest pumpkin, since I know you’re wondering, is 1,385 pounds.
And since I just happen to be on the Guinness page containing world records for vegetables, the largest carrot is 18 pounds, 13 ounces, and the largest cabbage is a whopping 124 pounds. Now if you just threw in the world’s largest jar of mayonnaise, you’d have one mean cole slaw.
As for news of the odd, strange and curious nature, we all know the war in Iraq has taken its toll. It has cost many fine Americans their lives while rolling up billions of dollars in debt. And the United States isn’t the only country which has felt the economic impact.
Our main ally, England, is facing far more severe military and economic hardships than we are. Those hardships are so significant, the British Army is having to make major cutbacks.
That means British soldiers on training exercises are now being asked to shout “bang, bang” rather than fire practice rounds, which roll up additional expense. Somehow I don’t think the “bang, bang” approach will work against insurgents.
And in a final note, our good friends at Mattel have announced Ken is reinventing himself in an effort to win back Barbie. As you may recall, it’s been almost two years since Barbie broke off their 43-year romance, headed for a California beach and fell for Blaine, an Australian boogie boarder.
“Barbie and Blaine was a great PR stunt,” said New York toy consultant Chris Byrne. “But Barbie and Ken are such an integral part of our culture and so aligned with each other, people want to see them together.”
Mattel vice president of marketing Russell Arons isn’t giving any hints as to what Ken might do to win back Barbie. But we can look back at history and see Ken is a versatile guy. In the 1970s, he took up disco dancing. He traded his dancing shoes for inline skates in the ’80s. The 1990s saw Ken as a businessman, a baseball player, an explorer, and even a rock star.
Personally, I’m rooting for Ken to become a business writer. Now that’s cool.