Prenuptial mortgage spooks fianc?
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My problem is this: I’ve been thinking about buying a house in this area for the duration of grad school, as I have good credit and would like to build up some equity, but my scientific significant other practically loses his lunch whenever I bring this up. I realize it would be a big step for us to buy a house, but we already live together, have a dog and a cat, and are committed to each other.
This would make financial sense for us, and I’d really like to be able to spend our monthly housing money on a house rather than an apartment. I bring it up every so often just to test the waters, which are getting less chilly, but he still evinces quite a bit of hesitation.
How can I decrease his trepidation? — Domicile Dreamer
Dear Dom: You might tell your brilliant boyfriend that every month, when paying the rent, you feel as though you’re watching H2O trickle down the drain. He may tell you that it might not be so smart to become mortgage-holders in a town where you do not plan to stay.
As strong as your personal chemistry may be, the marriage thing may have him spooked, or at least the part about buying a house before you’re actually married. Try one more serious, unemotional discussion, state your financial case, and then let it go. A cat, a dog and a commitment may be all that your boyfriend can handle at this time. — Prudie, conversationally
Dear Prudence: My boyfriend and I were together for over four years when he decided to move out because he felt I wasn’t in love with him. I thought we were going to try to work things out and in fact had planned on proposing this Christmas. I am beyond miserable now, and to make things worse, I know he’s already moved on to a younger, prettier woman who wants sex constantly (an area we had problems with).
I just got laid off, so I literally have nothing to do but separate our stuff and mourn while horrible images of MY boyfriend in bed play through my mind. My family can only tell me to snap out of it. My usual remedies are proving useless. Do you have any pointers on how to get through the worst part of a breakup? — Shocked To Be Alone
Dear Shock: This is always a terrible time for the one who didn’t want the breakup, but try to take it on faith that you won’t always feel like this. While not saying what your “usual remedies” are, Prudie hopes they are not bourbon, 24-hour poker games or playing Peggy Lee go-to-hell music.
What you need is the gift of acceptance, in a couple areas: 1) that there were problems with the relationship and, for whatever reason, you were not able to make him feel loved; 2) he is with someone new.
To get through it, you need ways to get your mind off his new flame and what you think they are doing all the time. This can be helped along by looking for a new job, seeing old friends, volunteering, and maybe even a change of scenery. In other words, get busy, if only to distract yourself so that your main activity is not sawing sawdust. Time really is a great healer. — Prudie, reconstructively