Vinson’s Variety: Time for an all-American workout
I think it’s safe to say a majority of Americans are highly concerned about health and appearance. All you have to do is take a look around, and it looms obvious that far too many Americans are significantly overweight.
Some fast-food chains, known for foods filled with fat and cholesterol, are downsizing the portions and also are adding health food type items to their menus. Further, new and improved exercise equipment is being advertised all over television 24-7. Folks are joining health spas on a regular basis, and some even are going to Wal-Mart and purchasing exercise equipment and setting up makeshift gyms in their own homes. Crash diets and appetite suppressants also are popular.
However, sad as it is, many have spent many hard-earned dollars attempting all of the above and still haven’t conquered the battle of the bulge. Hold steadfast, though, because help is on the way. If things don’t change soon, mainstream America will be forced into an exercise regimen guaranteed to streamline them. Here’s how it will work:
With milk up around $4 a gallon, more folks will be covering their breakfast Cornflakes and Cheerios with sky juice than cow juice. And what about the near-addictive, high-calorie Sundrop soft drink you absolutely must have on your way to work? Sorry, but the last 20-ounce bottle I purchased at a convenience store cost me $1.29. I hate it, but a glass of ice-water will have to suffice until things get better.
Although they don’t yet know it – or maybe have been successful at suppressing reality – a good number of people are about to take up riding bicycles and walking. Why? Because with the price of gas taking quantum leaps, people are going to have to drive their cars less and pedal and hoof it more. As of this writing, at a convenience store here in McMinnville, premium gasoline was $2.13 per gallon. Before election time, November 2004, I wager premium will cost in the neighborhood of $2.50. Of course, one has the option of buying regular gas or mid-grade gas, a few cents cheaper than premium.
However, regular gas and mid-grade gas just won’t cut it in these new, expensive, imported cars. The high-tech engines that power these state-of-the-art vehicles demand that their thirsts be quenched with premium. The problem here though is the monthly payments, including insurance, on these fine rides ranges anywhere from $400 to $900. With plants and businesses closing down and moving to other countries for the sake of cheap labor ? well, I won’t say anymore about that, because the point is obvious, and I don’t wish to add insult to injury.
Granted, there still will be many fortunate enough to hold on to, maintain, and drive vehicles. However, with an overbearing economy forcing most households and individuals to financially cut corners, those still driving vehicles on a daily basis will not be able to fill up their gas tanks whenever they feel like it. Thus, they will be forced to make more stops and put in less gas, which equates to this: They will getting out of their cars more than before, pumping gas more than before, walking inside the store to pay the cashier more than before, and walking back to their cars and getting back inside more than before.
Still, there will be many instances of cars filling up with gasoline and pulling off without paying. “Drive-offs” I believe is the term in vogue. Fearful of being fired for not having the situation under control, the minimum wage clerk will have to make a frantic dash from behind the counter and out the door in an attempt to run down the license plate number of the culprit.
There it is, folks, the all-American workout, intended for all Americans all over America, and guaranteed to work!
(Mike Vinson is a Warren County columnist who can be reached at vinsonmike_b_@hotmail.com.)