The Scoop: A mop bucket doesn’t say love
As we celebrate the love-filled and joyous occasion that’s known as Valentine’s Day, we can all be thankful we don’t live in Iran.
We can be thankful because by not living in Iran, we don’t have to wear a towel around our head. As it pertains to this day, we can be thankful we don’t live in Iran because Valentine’s Day is forbidden there.
Iranian police have launched a massive crackdown on Valentine’s merchandise — even going so far as to order store owners to remove heart-themed decorations from their shelves. As we all know, there’s no such ban here in the U.S. If there ever was, you can bet Hallmark and Russell Stover would launch a full-scale attack on the White House themselves.
On this Valentine’s Day, I’m just pleased to say I have someone I love who I can shower with gifts. That hasn’t always been the case.
In my years growing up, through high school and college, the worst time in the world not to have a steady girlfriend, or even an occasional girlfriend, was Valentine’s Day. Not having a girlfriend just made the day depressing. I’d wish a little Cupid would fly by with his bow and arrow — and aim for my throat — so he could put me out of my misery.
The great thing about Feb. 14 (provided you’re not spending it alone) is there’s no shortage of warmth and love. I’ve also felt Valentine’s Day is somewhat of a test. Girls compete to see who gets the nicest display of flowers, or the most elegant bracelet. That translates into a competition for the guys.
It also carries over to your married life. And take it from me, you don’t want to dismiss the importance of Valentine’s Day after you tie the knot. Just because the honeymoon may be over, and the anniversary years may be adding up, guys still must show great exuberance when it comes to Valentine’s Day.
If not, you’re sending the wrong message. You’re saying some of the spark has vanished, that a little of the magic has slipped away. I always like to keep in mind this famous poem:
Roses are red
Violets are not
Remember Valentine’s Day
Or you will be shot
Remembering Valentine’s Day is normally no problem early in the dating game when guys are more than eager to impress. That’s when lucky ladies can expect to be flooded with flowers and jewelry and all things extravagant.
It’s no secret that once you settle down, have a few kids, and both work full-time jobs that romance can often be pushed to the back burner. I’ve always said if a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure it’s either a new car or a new wife.
It’s with that in mind I offer these few handy Valentine’s tips for all the guys out there. Whether it’s your third date, or your 30th anniversary, always remember these sacred rules.
• Don’t forget to give her chocolate. If, for whatever reason, you don’t give chocolate, you’re sending the message she’s fat.
I know. I know. It sounds ridiculous, but trust me on this one. Give chocolates – a big box – and encourage her to eat several right away followed by the words, “Don’t worry honey. You’re cute figure can handle it.”
• Don’t take her to a restaurant where you have the option to super-size that extra value meal. Fast food can be palatable, but there’s certainly a time and a place for it. Valentine’s Day is not that time.
• Don’t give her any household cleaning supplies. A stainless steel mop bucket that costs $34 and will last a lifetime may seem like a practical gift, but it doesn’t say romance. Flowers that cost $59, and will die in a week, are the best way to say, “I love you.”
(James Clark is editor of the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].)