Now Hear This: Living stress free is impossible
Lee Trevino, the PGA tour’s resident funny man, once said that standing over a 20-foot putt to win a tournament that paid half a million was not stress. Stress was a $20 bet with your foursome with only $5 in your pocket.
While in for a routine physical recently, my doctor told me stress was the No. 1 killer among men and women today. That statement set me on a course to reorganize my life so I might become stress free. After due consideration, experimentation and consultation I have concluded – IT’S IMPOSSIBLE! We were born creatures of stress and strain.
Back to my doctor’s appointment. I became highly stressed filling out sheet after sheet of medical history. The same medical history I had filled out several times previous.
The only thing the questionnaire didn’t ask me was, did I suffer from writing cramps.
My stress level was about to peak when the nurse called me in. My visit with the doctor was fairly routine. Blood pressure. Pulse. Heart beat (yes), and then the moment when all men (my age) begin to sweat. Time to check the prostate!
“This is the worst thing that’s going to happen to you all day,” he said.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I lapsed into a state of major stress.
With the examination over, “relief” was the overwhelming sensation and the thought ? this person would not touch me for at least another year ? maybe never!
The doctor wrapped up my visit by giving me a good report, and handing me a list of “stress busters.” The following are a few I’ve tried with a short explanation.
Doctor-recommended stress busters:
• Get up 15 minutes earlier to avoid rushing out – I tried that. I still rushed out.
• Write things down -?Do you know how stressful it is trying to remember not to forget to write things down?
• Keep a duplicate car key in your wallet – I already knew how stressful it was not knowing where your car keys were. The other day I was about to leave home. The phone rang. With the keys in my right hand I picked up the phone with my left. I talked for 10 minutes. Hung up, and went looking for my keys.
• Do unpleasant tasks early in the day – (Get up 15 minutes earlier).
• Every day do at least one thing your really enjoy – I now sleep 15 minutes later so I don’t fell the stress of getting up 15 minutes earlier.
I have since come up with a few of my own. Hope’s tried and proven stress busters:
• Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.
• I have learned well the only two words you need to know to have a happy and stress free marriage. “Yes Dear.”
• Dance naked in front of your mirror, and invite your pets to watch.
• Drive to the store in reverse with your emergency lights on.
• One of my favorites – Place a “Valet” parking sign at the entrance of your favorite Wall-Mart.
• And the one I take greatest pleasure in – Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.
Yes, stress is inevitable so practice safe stress.
(Hope Hines is a television sports reporter and a Nashville personality.)