Taking a Stand: As Duane Sherrill, I deserve one day
OK, let me get this straight. A guy from jolly, ol’ England comes in here, holds a few meetings, shows us some drawings, throws up a few awnings and blows town and he gets an entire day named after him. Am I about right so far?
Meanwhile, I, a native Warren County son, stay at home, toil all my life to give you the news and what do I get? Nodda. Nothing. Zilch. Hey, I want my own day and a key to the city too. Admittedly, I’d probably end up breaking off the key in the lock of one of the municipal buildings while trying to gain after-hours entry, but at least I’d put it to use.
Now what’s wrong with this picture? You’ve got an all-American, born and bred Warren countian here who you all know and love, part redneck, part renaissance man, who exemplifies the Nursery Capital, yet Dan Gray gets his own day, and heck, he won’t even be here next year to celebrate it.
Me, I’d be here each and every year, ready to have a hootenanny with the rest of you on Duane Sherrill Day. We could have a little parade, maybe a pie-eating contest on the square with a little music from the gazebo by the Silver and Gold and maybe a little beauty contest to decide who’s the best looking chick, um girl, in Warren County.
If you didn’t want to come to the downtown gala, your personal celebration would be easy. All you’d have to do to honor my day is basically sleep until almost 10 a.m., get up and dress sloppily making sure your hair is looking all disheveled, then go to where ever you’re going, sit around and do much of nothing while making it appear you are working hard. Then, after you’re through with that, you just go home, strip down to your shorts and T-shirt and sit on the couch, watching television and thinking about how hot it’d be if you were mowing your overgrown lawn.
How much is that to ask? Heck, I’ll even take a day in February or something, that way yardwork won’t be a temptation. Make it a Wednesday, because that’s my day off and I really get lazy then.
So who you got to know to get your own day? Do I need to hob-knob with the wheelers and dealers, smooze with the urban elite, hang with the politically powerful, sip Java with the socially connected?
Is it earned by deeds? If so, I’ll do some deeds. I’ll start with Hebe. You can keep the 40 grand that some overpriced estimate said it would cost to restore the old girl. Me and my crew will do it for free. A little sand blasting and Rustolium and she’ll be good as new, just don’t touch her until she’s dry.
It should cost me about $49.95 out of my own pocket and that’s with lunches for my assistants. You can spend the other $39,950.05 on my big throw-down, by the end of which I’m sure I’ll be hanging from one of Hebe’s freshly painted arms, singing Hank Williams Jr. songs at the top of my lungs.
Think about it. What did you do on Dan Gray Day? Nothing. You did absolutely nothing. Now, Duane Sherrill Day on the other hand, you’d be in a festival mood all day, making memories to never be forgotten. Every time you see me on the street you’d think, “Man, I had such a good time on Duane Sherrill Day, I can’t wait until next year. Where’d I leave my car? Who’s shirt am I wearing? Didn’t I used to have 10 fingers?”
Trust me folks, give me my own day and you won’t regret it. Call the mayor, county executive or our aldermen and demand it. The way I look at it, by honoring one of your own with a day, you’re really honoring yourself. Well, not really, but it’s catchy and it appears catchy ideas are what gets a person their own day.
(Duane Sherrill is a reporter for the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].)